The Top Ten Reasons Not to Write

Top TenEveryone writes, but not everyone is a writer. Frankly, not everyone is crazy enough to slip into this dream.

Let me give you Dave Letterman’s countdown why a person shouldn’t write…

10. A writer’s bum is affixed to a chair for an excessive number of hours at a time, and over time, it widens.

9. A writer’s contact list shrinks—writers prefer their own company and that of their characters—until it can be contained on a 3×5 index card.

8. A writer’s family covers her with a white sheet when summer is over.

7. A writer’s former lover ceases having regrets and says to himself, “Damn I was lucky she dumped me before she started living her dream.”

6. A writer’s cat/dog is her only friend that refrains from judgment.

5. A writer talks to the wall, to herself when she’s in the checkout line at the market, and will pull the car to the side of the road to scribble an opening line on the back a Home Depot receipt she dug out of the glove box. Later when she is at home, she’ll wonder why the Cop—who pulled her over—did not understand her reason for crossing five lanes during rush hour, still gave her a ticket.

4. A writer’s children refer to her as ‘strange lady’ and explain to their friends that she has an affliction.

3. A writer will suffer doubt six out of seven days, twenty-three hours out of twenty-four, will cry a river over a rejection letter, will dance a jig when the opposite happens, and will wonder if she’s crazy every second of the day.

2.  A writer will spend her free time—when she’s not writing, at the day job, not being a mom, wife, CEO, and domestic goddess—thinking about words.

1. The last thing a writer thinks about before falling asleep is a work-in-progress, a character, a opening line, or a plot twist; will dream about the aforementioned, and when she wakes if she’s really lucky she’ll find what she was looking for was there all along.

A writer will start each day with a fiery passion in her heart, doubt or panic, fear or thrill, she’ll thank the stars and her chromosomes for the gift that pulses through her blood.

Later she’ll go for a walk, hoping to stave off the spread of her bum.

What brings you to the blank page?

P.S. Fellow readers and bloggers, if I haven’t stopped by your blog in recent weeks, please grant me a stay of execution. I will get there–promise. I’be been buried with the first edits on the sale of my first novella and rewriting the second one.  How the heck I will find time to breath between writing, living, the day job, and the rest of life, is a puzzlement.

by

I’m a writer and hoarder of one-size-fits-all panty hose. Until the hose fits over my bum, I write to provide an alternative view on writing and perfection.

25 thoughts on “The Top Ten Reasons Not to Write

  1. yehudit r

    Reason 1 (about last thing at night & first thing in the morning thoughts) really resonates with me. Lately, I’ve been running to the computer still in bare feet (thus, the running) and pajamas to get it written before the words sink into the morass of my wide-awake mind.

  2. Maybe what brings me to a blank page is that I never really see it as blank . . . it’s more a lure, a temptation — ‘come on, show me what you’ve got. Today.’ And I can’t help but take the bait. Not that I don’t question my sanity, though the doubt thing (i.e., am I good enough?) sometimes has a way of making me get back to work, go deeper, make what I’m uncertain about even better.
    Deborah Batterman recently posted….On the RoadMy Profile

  3. I loved this! Thank you for your cheeky, fun look at your own experience as a writer, because I feel slightly (only slightly) less crazy for emulating your list. Mine is an inherited affliction. My mother is a writer, reader and literary goddess. I inherited the gene. So while I will always understand my mother in a unique way, I think the rest of the siblings think I’m a little nuts :)
    Jill recently posted….How To Write A Killer QueryMy Profile

  4. Wow! Writing is totally different for me.

    Stories and Characters enter my head all the time and they compete for my attention. Sometimes they get loud and rowdy until I write about them. Everyone feels better after I’ve written and if one person approves it’s like “touchdown, we scored”.

    I got to get back to it. Bungalow Bill is poking me with an old rifle butt while Duane Pecan is having a cup of tea.
    Agent 54 recently posted….An Agent 54 ThanksgivingMy Profile

  5. I love this, Brenda. There have been countless times where I have ripped out receipts, envelopes, old bank slips or even napkins in my car when ideas pop into my head. My boyfriend gets so cranky when I wake up during the night to text myself an idea if I forgot to put index cards next to my bed on my nightstand. All in all, truly gifted writers are “creatives.” Anyone can write but the creatives are constantly thinking and beating away at their brains even during the day job, when they are around their family, driving, running and doing just about anything else. It’s because our minds feed off of our imagination which never shuts off. I absolutely love it.
    My ass has gotten a bit softer due to some recent sacrificing of my gym time but I’d rather be writing than running when it comes down it. Now if I were rich, I could have both a tiny ass and a best seller, I bet!
    gina recently posted….The Gift of GratitudeMy Profile

  6. Wow, you really nailed it. #5 is really me. I thought I was the only one who spoke to walls and other inanimate objects. : )

    Usually, I draw a blank page when I’ve been in the house too long and my surroundings are stale (no inspiration), or I have to deal with a lot of incoming distractions like work, chores and obsessive frivolous thoughts.
    Lauren recently posted….Bad Environmental News: Drought Relief for ArizonaMy Profile

  7. I laughed aloud at No. 10 and 8. Darn that bum-forecast is true. Unfortunately, I don’t always rise and spring to my table with fire in my gut. Sometimes I approach with dread (usually marketing-related). Times when I awake with gusto are rare. Still, I show up everyday. To answer to my protagonists. To write their stories. To place them and their life stories higher than me.

    Good luck on your edits and revision, B. Drop by only when you’ve eaten, had a drink to relax, and taken care of yourself!
    Claudine Gueh recently posted….Walk Two MoonsMy Profile

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