Let me give you Dave Letterman’s countdown why a person shouldn’t write…
10. A writer’s bum is affixed to a chair for an excessive number of hours at a time, and over time, it widens.
9. A writer’s contact list shrinks—writers prefer their own company and that of their characters—until it can be contained on a 3×5 index card.
8. A writer’s family covers her with a white sheet when summer is over.
7. A writer’s former lover ceases having regrets and says to himself, “Damn I was lucky she dumped me before she started living her dream.”
6. A writer’s cat/dog is her only friend that refrains from judgment.
5. A writer talks to the wall, to herself when she’s in the checkout line at the market, and will pull the car to the side of the road to scribble an opening line on the back a Home Depot receipt she dug out of the glove box. Later when she is at home, she’ll wonder why the Cop—who pulled her over—did not understand her reason for crossing five lanes during rush hour, still gave her a ticket.
4. A writer’s children refer to her as ‘strange lady’ and explain to their friends that she has an affliction.
3. A writer will suffer doubt six out of seven days, twenty-three hours out of twenty-four, will cry a river over a rejection letter, will dance a jig when the opposite happens, and will wonder if she’s crazy every second of the day.
2. A writer will spend her free time—when she’s not writing, at the day job, not being a mom, wife, CEO, and domestic goddess—thinking about words.
1. The last thing a writer thinks about before falling asleep is a work-in-progress, a character, a opening line, or a plot twist; will dream about the aforementioned, and when she wakes if she’s really lucky she’ll find what she was looking for was there all along.
A writer will start each day with a fiery passion in her heart, doubt or panic, fear or thrill, she’ll thank the stars and her chromosomes for the gift that pulses through her blood.
Later she’ll go for a walk, hoping to stave off the spread of her bum.
What brings you to the blank page?
P.S. Fellow readers and bloggers, if I haven’t stopped by your blog in recent weeks, please grant me a stay of execution. I will get there–promise. I’be been buried with the first edits on the sale of my first novella and rewriting the second one. How the heck I will find time to breath between writing, living, the day job, and the rest of life, is a puzzlement.