If You Asked Me

I might tell you where I was at 2:30AM on February 26, 1995.

I’d consider revealing the size of my Herman Munster sized feet, even the size of my over-the-shoulder boulder holders I sport, since breast augmentation is out of my price point.

I’d tell you all about my near miss at being infamous. Seriously. I have a memoir in me.

The M16’s.

The lover I said yes to, when no would have been more appropriate.

The thirty MUST HAVE songs on my desert island cd.

I’d gab endlessly about my favorite fictional character(s), my favorite book(s), and even where I was when I received my favorite kiss.

If you poured me a third glass of Etude Pinot Noir, I’d share with you the secret of being creative.

I’d never reveal my weigh or age, regardless of the number of glasses of wine you poured.

I would tell you what makes me cry, laugh, float, jump with joy, and even what holds me hostage.

I might consider admitting I watch the ending of my favorite movies over and over, and over again, just so I can cry. Have you seen the ending of Anna and the King? It’s beautifully brutal. The son witnesses his father letting go of a love that can never be. Tears of tsunami sized portions cascade down my face and could, if needed, replenish water supplies in California for an entire year.

Then there is the character Tom Cruse plays in The Last Samurai. After a bloody battle, the Emperor asks Tom’s character about the samurai warrior, Hirotaro’s, death.

“Tell me how he died?” The Emperor asks.

“No, let me tell you how he lived.”

I LOVE that line. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. I cannot tell you why. Only that it sums up the strength of a character in a fleeting few seconds. It’s lasting.

The writer in me swirls in bliss. If I could, I’d call the writer of the script and ask him/her to dinner and I’d buy a bottle of Etude for us to share as we talk of writing. I’m certain we’d click on sight. Over the wine, we’d share favorite lines from books, plays, and the movies I watch repeatedly. Of course, being a writer, he/she would do the same. Over the second bottle of wine, we’ll share writer secrets: where the ideas come from, where they don’t, and when the words come upon us and how we sometimes feel like we’re just a drone transcribing words. We’d laugh and then confess that sometimes we haven’t a clue about the creative self that lives inside of our bodies.

We’d sink low in the booth we are sitting in, scan the room to assure our quirky selves no is close by and listening. We’d lean in and reveal that most of the time we don’t have a clue what happens on the page or why. We accept what we are. We willingly and joyfully, shoulder the burden of sleepless nights when writing down the bones is not a choice. We swallow the last of the wine and swear that we’d offer up all our worldly possession to Gods unknown so long as we don’t, not ever, no NEVER, have to live a life without the word-magic that pumps through our veins along side our blood. Maybe it is our blood, I’d suggest.

If you ask me what I dreamed about last night, I’d tell you. I dreamed of words. I did. I ordered my mind to consider other options. I often beg it to give me a night with lanky and greyish-blue come-hither eyes. I’ll even settle for coco-colored eyes with flirty curly lashes. PLEASE. Sometimes the words overpower my life, take over the breath, and push me beyond what I think I can do. They do. I tell myself it could be worse.

If you asked, I’d tell you there is such a thing as instant love.  I’d say it overwhelmed me when I laid eyes on my first born, and again, when her brother came along. If you asked, even without the Pinot, I’d tell you that it’s not comparable to any other kind of love.

If you asked me, I just might tell you ….


If I asked you, what would you tell me?

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I’m a writer and hoarder of one-size-fits-all panty hose. Until the hose fits over my bum, I write to provide an alternative view on writing and perfection.

45 thoughts on “If You Asked Me

    • Edith – that is of course the wish at the top of my lists, and something I am working hard to see happen, until then, it’s the virtual page where I paint my world. Thanks kindly for you wonderful words and for always stopping by. Hugs back to you.

    • Laura – so glad to have bumped into you in this virtual world. I will stop by and read, always love to read about writer’s processes. And no, I have not heard that, but it makes all kinds of sense.

  1. Words not just in our bloodstream, but actually our blood . . . wow! What an image! I don’t know that there is anything truer we could say about being writers.
    We are born to it, live and breathe it – it is what makes us get up early or, as you do, stay up late to add that one more perfect phrase to our WIP.
    Just beautiful, Brenda!
    And, think I’ll join you in that bottle of wine . . . :)
    Martha Orlando recently posted…."Jesus Loves the Little Children . . ."My Profile

    • Martha, I think sometimes it’s too tough, this passion, but here I am again tonight banging away on another story. It’s a heck of a passion, but I’d not change it. It’s time for a glass of wine now, if I am to get any sleep at all.. Thanks much for your sweet words and the blessings you always leave behind.

  2. Yes, I’m certain you have a memoir in you Brenda. I read recently that there’s a surge in memoir. It feels like your life may be as interesting as any novel, your experience stranger in some ways than any fiction. You: a one-of-a-kind character. I want so much to hear about your near-miss at being infamous 😉 Please, do tell!

    If you asked me I’d tell you there are stories in me begging to be told, but I hide them in the back of the closet because I’m afraid someone will sue me if I expose them to the light.
    Debra recently posted….OstracizedMy Profile

    • Debra – I am not serious about the memoir. It’s seem a bit self-serving to write a tell all story about myself, but I do use events and people from my life in my fiction. I heard Wynonna Judd say at a concert once, it’s hard being different. She summed up entire life in a few seconds. I loved knowing others were out there like me that had struggled with our quirkiness. D- you need to stop hiding your stories, write them into fiction. It’s amazing how much perspective the writer has when she is penning fiction with a few chosen facts. Hugs, and thanks much for your continued support.

    • Bev – it is indeed, fleeting and should be not only savored, but appreciated. I dislike having to be taught via pain, but it has its merits. From my heart to yours, a writer’s hug and kiss for you wonderful words.

  3. okay, so I’m asking….what are the 30 songs on your desert island cd? And asking that you not stop writing here – it’s always so much fun to stop by!

    • Barbara – you made me smile a mile wide. Music is as dear to me as writing. It’s my best friend. Might take me a post or three to list out music, because you know I can’t just list them out. I have to tell a story about each. The first is Always on My Mind, I prefer Willie Nelson’s rendition.

  4. Lady, I would tell you that life is too short to worry about the little things. I’d tell you that it’s easier to smile than frown. That the sound of the rain at night is the perfect cure to my insomnia. That I love coffee with a passion. That Roxy makes me laugh every day, multiple times a day. That I love sunny days at the beach, a good Spanish vino, and a plate of paella. Yep, so many things I’d tell you, friend. :)

    • Mistress Bella – hope your well. Loved your controversial post. I am so sorry about your insomnia. I know I’ve had to start working out at night – it helps me a lot to sleep soundly, that and celestial seasonings sleepytime tea. I love everything you listed, especially the wine.

  5. Loved this post, B. There MUST be a memoir in you. I’d love for you to tell me what you would. If you asked, I would tell you about dreams. I would tell you how I began to see myself as a proper person about two years ago, but I wouldn’t tell you about what happened before that. (I could summarize, I suppose. Just … can’t bear to go into details. Can’t.) I would tell you that you are a wonderful human being. :)

    • C – :-) So funny how it came about, this post, I mean. I was listening to a Celine Dion song, and just started writing. I’ve always thought you were a wonderful person, even before two years ago. I am curious about your dreams. Hugs, my sweet friend who lives on the other side of the world.

  6. This is so beautiful. I love that line too. I would tell you everything I think if you asked me. All about my love and loss and hopes and dreams. And the fact that I find more peace in the mountains than on a beach. And those days when I just want to hug everyone, it is often for them, but more often for me.

  7. Your imagination and facility with language never cease to amaze me. There’s something magical in your writing. Your voice is unique. Never doubt that you’ll succeed.
    June O’Hara recently posted….The MessageMy Profile

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