Are You Ready?

I spent the last few days confined to my bedroom, in bed, in close proximity to the bathroom. This morning as the sun relieved the moon of his shift, and danced through the windows beckoning me to join her, my mind whispered to my body, Are you back from the dead? A year has slipped into the archives, and a new one is waiting for your footprint. Are you ready?

One (Canadian TV channel)

I didn’t know if I was or could, but I had to try. I swung my limbs over the edge of the bed and placed my feet on the floor. The tile, cold on contact, sent a shiver racing through my body. It took the length of its journey for me to realize I wasn’t dizzy and didn’t have the urge to sink back into bed and burrow under the covers. While I wasn’t ready to tackle the world outside of my bedroom, I was ready to do what I hadn’t done, had yearned to do while curled up in a ball cursing the nasty germ that had invaded my body, which was to write.

Shaky but no longer horizontal I walked across the room, picked up my Mac, and carried it back to my bed. My stomach no longer ached, the fog in my head was lifting, and those ideas I had dreamt about were hovering within my reach. I wasn’t exactly firing on all cylinders but I needed to dip my big toe into the New Year. Hitting the power button and hearing the momentary legato bell sound, as the machine came to life, was all the tonic I needed to bring me back from the other side.

I haven’t gone a day without writing in as long as I can remember. My mind slower than usual, my fingers, clumsy, and jittery at the same time, as if they didn’t remember what to do, felt the pressure mounting. I worried how it would feel opening a blank document. Would my fingers remember their role in the process? Would my trapped thoughts flow with ease or would I have to push and pull them until they filled the pages? Would the insight into my newest heroine, Celia, be right where I found it the last time I had written? Could I make her come to life?  In my mind I had seen what I had done wrong, but could I transfer those changes to the page? Two days isn’t long, but still I had some doubts.

I wasn’t worried about the unwashed laundry, the layer of dust on the pine tables, the washed but not put away dishes, or even the unopened emails. Nope. All that mattered was reconnecting to the page. I opened a document and gave way to the Julia Cameron, The Artist’s Way, of writing, the morning pages. Just write without thinking for a defined time limit.I wrote for an hour. It reminded me of practicing my piano scales. There were sour notes, missed keys, and some fumbling as my fingers raced to keep time with the thoughts pouring out of my head. My mind eager, pushed. My fingers had no choice but to keep up. At the end of an hour, my body tired from the exertion, but strengthened because of the effort, felt almost whole.

I reread the notes I had typed, cut and pasted them into different documents – for future use – left the computer on my unmade bed and went to the kitchen to brew a pot of ginger tea. As the tea leaves steeped the pungent aroma of the ginger cleared the rest of my head, relief washed through my body. I felt better knowing I had come through the worse. I was on the mend physically and had stepped into 2013, a bit wobbly, but I left a footprint.  I filled a mug, sipped, and felt the heat of the ginger tea race back down the same track the shiver had come up earlier.

I ambled back to my room with renewed awareness. I am lucky or blessed, maybe both, to have found my place in this world. I don’t look back over my life with regret. I take each day as it comes. I more that enjoy my life and the passion I have for writing. Whatever dreams may come tomorrow, I know I’m ready to make my footprint.

What about you, are you ready for 2013?

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by

I’m a writer and hoarder of one-size-fits-all panty hose. Until the hose fits over my bum, I write to provide an alternative view on writing and perfection.

40 thoughts on “Are You Ready?

  1. This is how I feel exactly – both ill, but also always grateful. I got to write an entire creative writing course and now I get to teach it and — and I get to write everyday. It’s a feast. Thanks for sharing.

  2. I certainly hope so. There’s so much to be DONE, that I sure as hell better be ready to do it all.

    Glad you’re feeling better. Perhaps the downtime will have let your ideas steep like good tea.

  3. Amy

    sounds like you are on the mend…. This really stands out for me: “a bit wobbly, but I left a footprint.”<— love it!

    Yes… I am ready for 2013.
    Amy recently posted….Good TimesMy Profile

  4. Brenda, glad you are feeling better. Sounds like you and I ended and started our years much the same–ill, but grateful for writing and the creative process. Your words resonate on so many levels., and your writing never ceases to inspire me.

    Am I ready for 2013? I hope so, but probably not for the reasons you would imagine. I’m taking on something terrifying, yet it’s something I know I must do: stand up and face the bully in the room. Fortunately, I have a lot of strong, smart women on board to bolster my courage. Hopefully others will lend their voices and their strength too.

    Here’s to a fabulous year ahead. All good wishes to you being wrapped in a cashmere blanket of creativity!
    Becky Green Aaronson recently posted….CouRAGEMy Profile

  5. Oh my dear, so sorry to hear you welcomed the new year so unhappily…but so happy to hear that you’re climbing back up. When I read, “A year has slipped into the archives, and a new one is waiting for your footprint. Are you ready?” I couldn’t should loud enough….”Hell, yes!” I’ve been down with a nasty cold for seven days myself, and feeling the itch to do, go, be…and fighting that itch by being quiet, tending to my body, and trying to center myself for all the the great things sure to come!
    mamawolfe recently posted….You Never Know What You Might Be MissingMy Profile

    • J-I myself am barely back in the saddle so yes, hell yes, finally ready. I am sorry to hear you were ill as well.Here’s to a hell of a ride this year.

  6. Brenda, only you could write about being sick and having weak legs and a jumpy stomach so poetically. The ginger tea racing down the same track the shiver had come up earlier. Poetry.

    Yes – I’m ready to stretch into the new year. I compost and take my time deliberating and positioning and clarifying, take a deep breath, and move. I may be slow to the plan – but I get there just the same. I just have to be thoughtful before proceeding.
    Barbara recently posted….tabula rasaMy Profile

    • Smiles, Barbara.. I am ready at last for the 2013. I mean the year came me but I was still buried under the covers. I think your plan is good, take it slow.

  7. Hi Brenda,

    Glad that you’re on your way back to health. Take it slow.

    I catch a bad bug at least once a year, but usually twice. It usually takes me longer than two days to shake free, and even then, my head feels like it’s in a bubble for a day or two more.

    You were pretty productive on your first day back. Be well, and welcome to 2013!
    Ray Colon recently posted….Juggling ActMy Profile

    • Ray, this post was a ruse. After hitting the publish button I crawled back into my bed and stayed there for another four days. I am standing today, a bit wobbly, but I am up there with Rocky, arm in the air.

  8. So sorry to hear of your recent illness, Brenda, but relieved to know you are on the mend and back with the writing.
    Like you, I don’t feel “right” unless I write something every day . . . it’s as if we are wed to our writing, in sickness or in health!
    Thanks for the wonderful footprints of inspiration you have left here throughout 2012. I’m looking forward to the new ones you will make in the year to come!
    Love and blessings!
    Martha Orlando recently posted….Content, No Matter What . . .My Profile

    • Martha – Thanks much, it’s been rough. I am finally on the mend. My writing hasn’t been all that inspiring the past week. As always, your words are too generous and wear well on my writer’s heart. To you, too, let’s hope it’s a good one.

  9. From Jan 1, even I’ve been feeling ill and weak. Reading this post, gave me the energy and postivity. Though, I have been browsing the internet, I haven’t been able to do so for longer periods of time. Thanks for this honest post which set my grey cells ticking. I’m taking it one day at a time.

    Joy always,
    Susan

    • Susan, I can so relate. I hope you are feeling better. I am still amazed I managed to get this post out last week. As soon as I posted I was back in bed.

  10. Like emerging from the cocoon, a good blend of ginger tea and back into your stride, good to hear your optimism stayed intact and your imagination hadn’t rusted, in fact I could well believe that a day in bed, despite the sickness, may well have nurtured it.

    All the best for a continuous productive writing year in 2013, including getting it out there :)
    Claire ‘Word by Word’ recently posted….A Month in the CountryMy Profile

  11. Hope you’re feeling much better now, B.? I love how you’d approached Julia Cameron’s book. Another book of her ‘Finding Water’ gave me much quiet strength to go to my work one word/note/sketch at a time. Have a strong & fabulous & healthy 2013.

  12. oh you poor dear. Well, glad you’re almost back on your feet even if it means a cold tile floor. And writing! I should be writing every day but at least I do a lot of prompts and my weekly tale. ANd I need to be more like you, not give a damn about the dirty dishes, dirty house, piled up papers that need filing.
    sandra tyler recently posted….Alphabe-Thursday: Letter GMy Profile

    • Hi Sanda, me, too, with the writing, but the truth is this last week I just didn’t have the energy. So glad it’s almost all behind me. Have a great NY.

    • Thanks, Karen. It’s been a slow entry into the New Year, but any day now I’ll be dancing in the streets. I hope you have a grand one.

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