What Would You Ask

by Brenda on April 24, 2012

The Women In a Woman

…once again or a first time, if you carried strength in your words? What are the secrets in a woman’s heart she carries to a grave? What makes a woman a woman?

What do you know with absolute certainty?
What continues to elude you after all you have lived through?

 

Do you know you as well as you’d like to think you do?

What makes you a good friend?

What would your best friend say about you? Would you and she/he be willing to be interviewed?

What makes you-you?

What have you said but regretted the instant the words left your lips?
What do you wish you had said instead?
Would you say what you felt if you had the chance again?
Would you ask why or why not?
Would you say:

  • I love you
  • I don’t love you
  • Go away
  • Stay
  • Please
  • Why not me

What do you think when the house is asleep and there is only you with the moonbeams lighting up your heart?

  • Is it about a lost lover
  • A lost moment
  • If only
  • Can I
  • I can’t
  • How can I

What do you believe to be true but do not reveal (fear of judgment, fear of exposure, or fear with no reason why)

  • There is God
  • There isn’t
  • I’m not sure
  • I might fail
  • I have no confidence
  • I had confidence but I left it on aisle 10 at Target
  • I tired once but failed and…

What do you want to do the rest of your life?

  • Stay where you are without any changes
  • With changes
  • Do nothing at all

What brings you joy?
What makes you smile?
What makes you laugh?
What leaves you empty, feels you up?

What are the secret desires hidden in the dusty recesses of your mind?

When was the last you did something reckless? Have you ever walked on the wild side or do you conform?

When was the last time you looked in the mirror and gave yourself a seal approval, loved the skin you were in?

What is your bravest moment?

What moment are you most proud of, least proud of?
If time travel were possible where would return and why?

Is the life you are in the one you thought you wanted when you left home?

I need your help. I’d like to tap into your own hearts and womanly passionate souls.

Me: I am living my passion. I write. I explore life—past and present—in words. I continue to explore all aspects of life, but not just mine. I am a student of human nature and reach outside of my world. I transcribe feelings I hear in conversations I have with others, but my world is finite. Many of you have lived several lives to my few.

I have lived a big life, loved and lost, been successful, failed, fallen flat on my face, killed time with passionate-less pursuits and watched while they died hard, lost and gained the same million pounds over and over again. I’ve lived in multiple countries, had two children, buried a parent, and watched my husband get stuck in the revolving door of the hospital. I’ve reinvented myself professionally a few times, stood in front of M16s, traveled, stalled, howled to the moon, and wished upon a falling star.

Still there are some things I will never know, feel, live through, fail, or succeed at, so many things I will not taste, touch, or breath in. But you have done all those things I haven’t.

I am exploring a woman’s heart through a series of poems but I need your help. My list is raw and not complete and will never be finished. It’s a lot to ask, but if you are so inclined, I invite you to answer a question or several, add something about yourself you know or don’t understand, add anything about a woman worth exploring I’ve missed (I know my list is barely scratching the surface of our beautiful selves).

Thanks kindly,

Brenda

{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }

k~ April 24, 2012 at 5:49 am

Out of fairness for your request, let me digest your questions, consider my responses, and then I will supply you with some answers. Right now it’s late, and I have to be up early, and I know myself well enough to know that if I don’t get the sleep I need, I will not function at my best tomorrow :-)

Til then…
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Brenda April 25, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Thanks, K. It’s a big request to make of the virtual world, but in between the WIP (work and the other life) I allow myself the luxury of writing lines of poems. Thanks to Bev and Monica’s comments last week I thought I would focus my lines on the woman in a woman but I am but one with a story.

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Kelly Hashway April 24, 2012 at 10:21 am

I think what a woman wakes up thinking about is always a good indication of who she is. I can’t always remember what I dream about at night (though, that’s a good question, too) but I do know what I think about when I wake up. That can be very telling.
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Brenda April 25, 2012 at 4:42 pm

I am not sure I am inline with you, Kelly. My thoughts at night are different in the morning. At night my mind is a flurry with recaps and dreaming. In the morning I am on another path entirely.

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Beth April 24, 2012 at 12:44 pm

I’m thinking and I will get back to you, either here or privately.
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Brenda April 24, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Thanks, E..

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Lynne Favreau April 24, 2012 at 2:36 pm

I gave up on an important aspect of my life for the good of my family convincing myself it was part of the commitment to being married, a good mother and ultimately my responsibility. I made peace with it because the benefits outweighed the loss.

Unfortunately, as a result I implored a friend to do the same and I believe it cost her more than it did me. I regret encouraging her to accept a situation that has had a detrimental affect on her emotional well being. No, I didn’t make the decision for her, but I am well aware the consideration my words are given and how influential they are.

It is a constant reminder to offer support not advise when it comes to matters of the heart.

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Brenda April 25, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Lynne – that is quite the story and I dare say you are not the first friend in the world to wonder about things you have said. I don’t recommend books for that very reason. Your intentions were true and not hurtful and as you said, she made the decision. Thank you for sharing this one -it’s a powerful emotion to explore.

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Heal Now and Forever April 24, 2012 at 3:59 pm

My bravest moment was when i said yes to love, to life, even though i wasn’t sure how I would go about it and who would support me. I chose to see that I knew it would happen if it was supposed to. I knew I had faith in myself. Love in my heart was the only motivation.
Love,
Jodi

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Brenda April 25, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Jodi – the subject of love is a favorite of mine. Not just romantic love, but love in it’s entirety. I like the idea – bravery required to enter LOVE. I feel this one in my bones.

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Heal Now and Forever April 26, 2012 at 10:57 am

Nominated you for the Sunshine Award http://healnowandforever.net/2012/04/26/shiny-happy-bloggers-holding-hands/ Come on over to take a look!

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Astra April 24, 2012 at 4:44 pm

What a juicy question! I know you’re going to get some rich replies. I’ve lived a pretty full life but think I may have been too conservative at times. I don’t always have faith in myself. I’m sad when I realize too late that I didn’t give that person my full attention when they needed it. I’m not enough of a risk-taker. I’m sorry I never danced the flamenco when I was asked to one night/morning in Spain. What other risks have I walked away from? Your post makes me stop and wonder! Way to go!!
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Brenda April 28, 2012 at 1:58 am

Astra – you make me smile on the inside. I do wish I had walked a way from a couple of risks but when I think, truly think about that I know I’d be flat with one less side. I know you could dance the flamenco if you tired. From what I’ve read on your blog, you coordinated. Now I wonder why you didn’t dance when you were asked. Is that the trip you ran off with your now husband on..?

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rimly April 24, 2012 at 5:39 pm

This is something new Brenda. Well what do you want to know? I have lived quite a life, been impulsive, made loads of mistakes, never lasted in any relationship with a man. I have always been attracted to the wrong guy. Lucky for me I have my son, Ron. He is my joy and my pride. I think I have been an ok mom, because despite all the trauma of a bad marriage, Ron has turned out to be great, sensible, sensitive and compassionate. I still have a lot of desires left in me. I still would love to fall in love again and do all the foolish things that go with it. I am alone now but I am getting used to it. I am beginning to enjoy me for the first time. I never thought I would land up living with my mom. I have realized we all have to face up to all that we have tried running away from. Whew…that was a mouthful! Hope this helped, my friend.
Do hop in and read my latest poem

http://rimlybezbaruah.blogspot.in/2012/04/dusk.html
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Brenda April 26, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Rimly-I’ve had a hectic week and late in responding to my comments. I will come by and read you poem today. Thank you for sharing your story, although being a regular reader of you poems I had an idea about your view on passions and romantic and otherwise. I don’t think your alone in anything you’ve said or lived through, we all have our share of failures and challenges, some we get over, while others we carry inside of us like an incurable disease. You comment alone has a least four themes. Thank you kindly for your thoughts and sharing.

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jan April 24, 2012 at 9:00 pm

I can honestly say the bravest thing I have ever done was to tell my mother about my grampa and what he was doing….especially in the early 70′s. From there exposing the abuse in blog form in order to heal was a very hard thing to do.

Related to this is taking the steps to become sober and actually face all that fear and pain.

What brings me joy, that is an easy one for me, nature in all her wild abandon.

I can tell you the one thing that eludes me after all the years of my life is the ability to think of me before others. It is said I must in order to truly be there for someone else… I love the me I am now, but I still put loved ones and friends needs before my own in many situations…..
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Brenda April 26, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Jan – that is strength in the most powerful form. I understand putting how hard it is yourself first and it was a difficult lesson for me to learn. My husband and father were both seriously ill several years back and I was near collapsing taking care of everybody but me. My husband’s doctor pulled me aside and told me I had to come first if I wanted to make it through the other side, etc. It felt like a rope from the sky came down and pulled me out. From that moment forward I did. I am stronger because of it and a better woman for it. You’ve done so much already, there isn’t too far too go.

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Mike Adams April 25, 2012 at 4:10 am

Brenda, I loved this post (as I do all of your posts). Very thought provoking. You asked for women’s responses, so I’ll respect that and steal some of your questions for future posts. I really love your way with words, the way you tap into the experience of being human. Thank you!
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Brenda April 26, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Thanks, Mike. You are more than welcome to answer or ask questions that puzzle you .. I am agnostic when it comes to exploring the humanness of being human.

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Monica April 25, 2012 at 6:06 am

“What do you think when the house is asleep and there is only you with the moonbeams lighting up your heart?”

I think the day is just beginning. I’m in my bedroom which is very much like a studio apartment and my favorite moment is when I first sit down at my computer and think about what I’m going to write. Like a fresh palette, a rose about to bloom, it’s a fresh start to the wonderful, glorious world of writing. I can write away for hours before I notice the time. ;)
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Brenda April 25, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Monica – I like your room already. When my house is asleep I am thinking. I can just see your writing hours on end sipping tea or a glass of Merlot, word and word filling up the pages.

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Claudine Gueh April 25, 2012 at 7:13 am

What are the secrets in a woman’s heart she carries to a grave?
Somehow this question jumped out most alarmingly. For me, there is one thing in particular I do not speak of, not to my family, not to my closest friends (and believe me, they’ve tried prying it out from me). I don’t know if I’ll ever tell another person, but even if I don’t, it’s still okay. I’m okay with carrying it to my grave. Back to this question, I’d think those secrets are things that go beyond opening wounds. Bleeding isn’t that scary. Being emptied out is.

What do you think when the house is asleep and there is only you with the moonbeams lighting up your heart?

Recently, it’s bone-chilling thoughts that I’m not doing enough for my family, and for my future. I’d love for calm thoughts to settle in my head especially when there’s moonbeams, but … alas.

What do you want to do the rest of your life?

Give comfort. To an elderly, a child, a sick animal … And of course, to write stories that make children (and me) feel braver.

When was the last time you looked in the mirror and gave yourself a seal approval, loved the skin you were in?

The past Saturday evening. Dressed up to meet a girlfriend for coffee in town.

What moment are you most proud of, least proud of?

I’m most proud of the times when I’ve stood up for what I believed in, held my grandmothers’ hands when they needed comfort, and shared quiet moments with my sick cats. I’m least proud of the times I raised my voice at a family. (My temper needs working on, especially when it comes to hearing criticisms from my mother.)

Sounds like a grand project, B. Best of luck with your poems. I’d love to read them when they’re ready.

C.
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Brenda April 27, 2012 at 2:33 pm

C- before going on, I have to say, ‘being emptied out’ is the most vivid expression i’ve read. I think you are brave, more than you give yourself credit for. I also think we come into our own strength when we least expect it. Standing up and declaring yourself a writer against family and society pressures was the first big step. You are ever an inspiration to me, Claudine. I look forward to the day we can share a cup of coffee together. Hugs, to you. Have a wonderful weekend.

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Elizabeth Young April 25, 2012 at 10:43 am

Just when I think I can’t love your posts anymore – I do! I love, love, love questions like this that plunge to the depths of who we are and force ourselves to ask real questions. Most people shy away from such questions and are embarrassed when others do. Not me, I thrive on them! Thank you for standing tall and asking us those all important questions Brenda. In the silence of my heart I did answer them and do so on a regular basis. Hugs girlfriend!
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Brenda April 26, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Aw, Elizabeth. It’s how my mind work. I sometimes wish it didn’t but I am what I am. I don’t see why a person should be embarrassed by their inside thoughts but I respect their silence. I will continue to work on my poems, exploring the dark and lighter side of a passionate life.

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Dangerous Linda April 25, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Brenda, Brenda, Brenda….

Well, I’m not the type to keep secrets or leave things unsaid.

The most scandalous thing that comes to my mind at this moment, that might surprise people, is that lately it has occurred to me for the first time in my life that I think I really would take my own life if I had to live in chronic, physical pain without hope of reprieve. Before, I always thought that life is sacred and you just keep going with whatever you’re dealt. Period. But, I could not go on living with the pain I’ve been experiencing for the past month over the long haul.

Having said that, I don’t want everybody to get all worried and upset. I’m not suicidal because I’m still convinced I can kick this thing. But, I believe my perspective has shifted permanently.

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Brenda April 26, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Linda – you are indeed not one to live behind a veil, you are out and open and ever radiant. As for you moment – we all have a moment we get stuck in when we think we can get of if, are doomed while our hope slips through the cracks in the door. But you know just when we all but want to give up something gives. I don’t know what you are going through and can only tell you to hold do what you are doing, healing from within, taking care of your heart and soul.

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My Inner Chick April 26, 2012 at 2:35 am

****My bravest moment***

Going forward. Walking. Living. Breathing…..

after the murder of my sister, Kay.

{Brenda, you inspire so many. thank you for that, dearest. }Xxx
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Brenda April 26, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Kim – you are brave everyday because you share your story and Kay’s. Keep on doing what you are doing. I suspect the inspiration is mutual.

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Savira April 26, 2012 at 2:41 am

I absolutley love this.. Am going to copy and paste it for myself to read and then answer…
I know for sure that I am living my passion.. I have secrets that I have revealed but one which I will take to my grave! I have loved and given and been hurt or heart broken.
There are moments of silence to think or reflect back.. there are regrets and then maybe not so….
Thank You for this wonderful and thought provoking post !

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Brenda April 26, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Savira – We all have a least one secret we will carry to our grave. As for love, we would not be who we are if not for giving. It doesn’t always work out as we plan but then sometimes it’s better, even when it’s bad, it’s good. We learn, we grown, we write, we find ourselves in the heaps. And you are welcome.. I am actually surprised readers responded. It was ballsy of me to ask, but I wanted to explore.

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Beverly Diehl April 26, 2012 at 3:54 am

I regret being a coward at love, sometimes. I have put my heart out there and had it broken, so the next time, I would play it safe. Not go for it with someone who might have become my lifelong love, who knows?

I regret making it easy for men to break up with me, pretending I didn’t need them, or wasn’t hurt, when inside I was dying of thirst for their love.

I don’t regret my last love, though it was awful in many ways, just that I didn’t realize sooner there was something Seriously Wrong. I hope I will have the courage to put it out there again, to risk my heart for love, and yet, I wonder if I truly have it in me.
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Justin Mazza April 27, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Wow, that was awesome Brenda. I resonated with so much that you wrote here. It’s like no matter what kind of experiences we have had we always want more. The worst thing that I see is people who stay home too much and don’t go out and explore life’s adventures.
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Brenda April 28, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Hey Justin, I am please to hear you enjoyed. Life is ever present, it’s up to the person to live it, challenge, it, survive it, and keep on embracing it, but yet… sometimes a person hesitates or gets stuck in a moment because of it. Thanks much for stopping by.

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