How I Found My Author

Nothing Is Lost In Loving

Nothing Is Lost In Loving
Release April 13, 2016

Finding my author, Brenda Moguez

Brenda was sitting in the Barnes and Nobel loft overlooking the entrance when I saw her. The instant we locked eyes, I knew, I just knew she was the one to tell my story.

 

Finding Brenda spurred one of those odd déjà vu, not quite drunk sort of moments when you’re totally aware of the universe and know something WOW has just happened, but you’re too freaked out to understand it.  I knew something had happened, but was in a frantic state and slow to process our instantaneous connection. In my defense, I was having a bad day. It was the second anniversary of Bobby’s—my husband—death, and I had lost my job. I wasn’t firing on all cylinders.

My boss, Jack Francis, the stuff dreams are made of, had called, and over the phone kicked me to the curb. He cited economic challenges and a change in corporate direction, but really, it was all BS. He was the consummate actor, claiming how much he had struggled with the decision to lay me off knowing I was a widowed mother, even feigned concern over my loss of financial security, but I wasn’t having it. I was screwed. I was barely holding on when Jack said he wanted to stay in touch, and maybe become friends. “What the hell,” I remember the voice in my head screamed. How could I?  I had had one too many colorful daydreams about the man involving birthday suits. No way, I wanted to be friends with the guy who had just fired me.

If Santiago, my seven-year-old, hadn’t come barreling down the hallway I would have lost it then and there. I got off the phone ASAP. After dropping my sweet boy off at school, I headed downtown. By the time, I reached Barnes and Nobel I was a basket case. Brenda was sitting in the loft lost in her own thoughts. I like to think she was waiting for something challenging.

For the record, I’m not the sort of woman to cry in my Chardonnay or whimper for the sake of it, but since I didn’t have a plan, I was scared. I didn’t have much of a savings and was worried my nasty monster-in-law would come after me. I was terrified she’d try to take Santiago away from me claiming I was an unfit mother. I wasn’t, but since she needed some to blame for  Bobby’s cancer, I was the lucky one she was fond of torturing. I supposed if my only son had died young, I’d have looked for someone to blame, but at that moment I was too freaked out about being fired, and frankly, irrational and panicky.

I explained my mess to Brenda, hoping to pique her interest enough to tell my story. She was understanding but swore she was the wrong person for the job. I listened to her ramble on about her inadequacies, desperately trying to convince me, she was all wrong for the job, but the quirky and utterly frank way she spoke about passions, and heartbreak, convinced me otherwise. I needed her voice to help me find mine, her dogged tenacity she had drawn on to survive her own colorful life was exactly what I required to face my past and begin a new chapter in my life. Since Brenda and I were both at a crossroad there was no doubt she was the one, actually she was the only one whom I would trust with my own dire tale.

Meeting Brenda so unexpectedly was a sign. Bobby used to say everything in life happened for a reason. Losing my job was a cruel twist of fate, but meeting the woman who would ultimately bring me out of past and into the present was definitely a signal from the cosmic forces it was time to get on with living my life.

I had spent two years lost in a time warp, reliving the moments in between the start of my love affair with Bobby and his final breath. Death is a funny thing, and one day when I start writing again, I might take a crack at breaking the secret to healing. For the present, I am taking life on day at a time. How about you?

 

Nothing Is Lost In Loving

When Stella Delray unexpectedly loses her job a week before Christmas, which is also the anniversary of her husband’s death, she is forced to stop talking to his ashes, come to terms with her loss, and get her life back on track for her young son’s sake as well as her own. She never expected that posting an ad on Craigslist would send her into the arms of not one but two men, one of whom is her former boss. Now she’s working as an admin for a retired Broadway star, bookkeeping for an erotic video production company, and writing love letters for the mysterious “Oaklander.” Adding to the craziness of her new life, her monster-in-law resurfaces and the father-in-law she never met shows up on her doorstep. With the guidance of her best friend, Bono, Stella will learn to redefine the rules she’s always lived by.

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I’m a writer and hoarder of one-size-fits-all panty hose. Until the hose fits over my bum, I write to provide an alternative view on writing and perfection.

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