Message to Heaven

Sending Love to Heaven

Untangling the words
Inside my head
Revealing feelings
Caught in my heart
Clutching for strength
In the aftermath of your loss

Witnessing beauty
In the mirror
Of self-reflection
Unsightly it seems
Appreciating one’s own
Exquisiteness
In a passion
Of expression, the utterance
Of creating the story
For you and I

 

Upon your death

(As if
beginnings embark
at endings)

Chancing
A risk
This folly
A smoldering desire

(At the end,
your plea
to live my dream)

Is Fulfilled

Typing two words:           THE END

My quest
began

In response to a promise

Made in haste
In fear
Beyond belief
In vain

Stay true to yourself, daughter, and live the dream I carry here in my heart,
and
WRITE.

In your death

(as if endings
are ever
THE END)

I
WRITE.

I stutter
Falter and flail
Spin in one place
Drowning in motion
Yearning for

A passion

An enduring kind of love

The lasting kind

beyond the exhale of regret

of discovery
of touch
of love for another
by another

An everlasting

Peace of mind

I found

INSIDE OF ME

 

At your      end

(as if
your leaving
me
earth bound)

Set me in motion
In centrifugal force
Swirling and twirling
Round and ‘round
The Wall of Death
Until
Weightless and suspended

In a dream

(As
if
you
knew)

I could.

 

Dad~

I did it.
I finished the book!

Love,
Bren

Liner notes:  extract from my book.  The sentiment fits my moment of jubilation.

I believe there is one album, book, painting, or sculpture in every artist that is his or her personal best. It isn’t always the last or even the first creation for an artist. It’s simply the single most amazing piece of work. It’s an artist’s masterpiece because it was inspired for and created by the love for another person. It might turn out to be one piece of work that brings the artist fame, or it might not. Regardless, for the artist it is the single creative venture that took all his soul and heart to create. It will be his best work and what he is most proud of. This is mine. I know I will go on to write more songs, but none will mean as much as this collection of songs does to me. Stella, I know I say the words, usually from towns you never heard of and swear you never want to visit. I know I have spent more hours in hotel beds, than in ours, always wishing every night when I lay my head down on those rented pillows that you were waiting for me at the end of the long and dusty day I traveled to get wherever it was I was playing. A woman like you should never be alone. And here I am again, telling you the only way I can how I feel. These songs are yours. You should have trinkets for rainy days (you’ll know what I mean, girl). The words I wrote I sing only for you. No one but me is playing these songs, not even the band. It’s for you from me, songs to keep me close when I am not. I’ll be home soon. Bobby

 

What is your favorite ride at the amusement park and why?

(Too many years ago to count, at county fairs there was ride called The Wall of Death, it was always my favorite.  The rider spins round and round, is suspended and weightless, it’s the nearest to being alive.)

Photo courtesy of Caitlin (my daughter)

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by

I’m a writer and hoarder of one-size-fits-all panty hose. Until the hose fits over my bum, I write to provide an alternative view on writing and perfection.

40 thoughts on “Message to Heaven

  1. Brenda,
    This is beyond beautiful! I am so happy for you to have finished your book and realized this wish of you father’s. He, I am sure, is smiling down, reading this, reading your novel, loving you so much!!!
    Love,
    Jodi

  2. Brenda, when I saw your post title, I thought, I knew something like this was coming. You and Stella are soul sisters. And this beautiful poem really helps me understand you and her so much more. I’m glad your father was so supportive of you. Mine is the same way. It’s tough to find people who support you when you are a writer. Most people just can’t fathom why we do what we do. Having support like this is amazing. And I have no doubt your message go to your dad and he’s so proud of you.

    • Kelly, it’s a funny one, but when I started the writing this piece it was Stella but midway through I realized it was me writing and for whom I was writing. In a way she and I are tied at the hip since she came to after my own Dad lost his battle with cancer. Of course, dad wasn’t an almost famous country singer, but he was a poet.

  3. So lovely and touching! Thank you for sharing this.

    My late father-in-law, known to most as a crotchety curmudgeon, was one of my biggest writing champions. He had championed his late wife’s art, and when we had to spend more time helping him, he would ask, “How is your writing getting done if you’re busy taking care of me?” I would assure him that I was working steadily — but I so appreciated the question and his concern.

  4. Jo

    I share both your joy and sorrow. Reaching one’s goal is cause for jubilation and remembering your biggest fan in the same breath, a bit melancholy. Beautiful way to lay thoughts of your deepest feelings in such a way that many will relate. ♥

  5. Wow! This is surely your best post. I loved and absorbed every single aspect of what I read and it struck me how your response is a pure writer’s response. I rejoice with you.

    • Linda, as all writers, I am a work in progress. Every day I move two steps forward and one back.. One day I will learn the rules of poetry and then, well then I will say I’ve mastered it. Until, I thank you kindly.

  6. Your joy is so infectious, how can anyone not be happy for you at this moment? And I’m sure your father is smiling down on you. Starting with the picture your daughter took, this post is full of love. Congrats, Brenda. One thing I disagree with is that I believe there are many more masterpieces left in you.

    • Adriene – It’s such a strange feeling.. I am high and joyous but also terrified and vulnerable. I know it’s because I have don’t know everything I need to know about agent sleuth, etc., but hell, when I stated the book I didn’t know anything about that either. I do wonder from time to time if those we lose can see and hears us down here. I sure hope so.

  7. Typing two words: THE END My quest began….
    Loved this – because it symbolizes not just your book, but what your father sought to give you in death.
    Just beautiful.
    My father passed away a couple of years ago but, sadly, his condition left “live your dream” and other departing words of wisdom impossible. In the last couple of weeks though, he has come to a couple of those in our family in their dreams, offering words of assurance. It’s a little bizarre.
    As for amusement rides? Wall of Death?? NO THANKS!!! I’ll just stand here and watch, okay?

    • Astra, you are the only one that answer my question. I loved the Wall of Death. Of course, I was young and quite the thrill seeker back then. I’d like lose my lunch if I rode it now. I don’t think there are rides anymore. Thank you for you words. He found his words, strangely enough, after the doctors removed a tumor in his brain. Long story. But he left earth a content man.

  8. June O'Hara

    To have a finished book, into which you’ve put your energy, heart, and soul…it’s almost too big and thrilling for me to imagine. I’m so happy for you, I almost don’t know what to say. You just shine in every way.

  9. Brenda, this is such a lovely tribute and message to your father. Sounds like he was very supportive of you, and perhaps even inspired you to keep going. I can only imagine what it feels like to finish your book. I hope to get there, too, one day, and when I do, I’ll be sending a message to my parents, who are up there, too.

    • Monica, I know you will be. You are determined. And something to note, typing THE END is not the end by a long shot, but it feels damn amazing. Now if I could only lose 15 pounds.

  10. Brenda, Your poem is so heartfelt. Your father must have been a wonderful person. And I know he would be very proud of your finishing your book. Thanks for sharing this personal tribute….so beautiful.

    • Hello Nancy, thanks kindly for stopping by and your wonderful words. He was always supportive, even when I was a rebellious teenager. Gotta love that in a parent.

    • Well, Bev, you know I am not done-done as in having an agent and all the other stuff, but I have over the hurdle of writing it. I didn’t start out writing this poem to my dad but it’s where I went with it, and honestly, I am glad. It feels good to say what’s in my heart. Love.

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  12. Brenda, what a beautiful tribute. I know that when I write my mom is behind every words. Sometimes when I write I’m talking to her, telling her what’s on my mind.

    • Julie – It does feel like even though we grow older, start our own lives, we carry our parents inside of hearts for all our days. Thank you for stopping by.

  13. LOVE the photo — Well done, Caitlin!

    I believe that my favorite work of art is always my most recent work of art!

    My favorite ride at the amusement park? When I was a child we would get 3 tickets for rides and I clutched them tightly as we walked through the fair looking for the BEST ride. I usually ended up leaving the fair with all 3 tickets still in my hand because I couldn’t decide — haha!

    • Hi Linda… I LOVE this photo of Caitlin’s. It’s what inspired the write, which is always amazing to me how different types of art influences us.. You make me laugh about holding on to your tickets. I spent mine before the hour was up..

  14. Brenda, girl, you did it! Your daddy is proud! What a touching, heartfelt and loving tribute to your papi. I’m so happy for you and if the excerpt is anything to go by, there is much to enjoy in this book. I can’t wait to see what the future holds for you. Well done! :)

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