You never think it could be you. You walk through life fearlessly believing Teflon covers your body from head to toe and protects you from being scorched. You roll along in your bubble of bliss never worrying about the moment beyond the one you’re in and revel in your good fortune. The journey isn’t at the forefront of your mind, in fact, you never think about it; not once do you stop to consider what is coming.
There are the random moments when you stop to register the significance of the crossroads you are standing before, but it’s as fleeting as a cloud of déjà vu. You’re left wondering if your delusion is the result of the bad sushi you had the previous night. You shake it off, an anomaly you tell yourself. And then you’re confronted with infallible sense of timing and a six-foot wall of living, breathing reality–heartache dressed in 501’s and a tailored, white buttoned-down cotton shirt, straining at the seams. You swear to celestial beings you were never certain existed until you ploughed into a solid mass of destiny.
You’d swear a second-time your heart held its beat for a full forty-five seconds when the lanky, with come-hither eyes, said hello.
The roar of blood pounding through your veins was defeating, but it didn’t stop you from replying in kind. The unexpected thrill of anticipation held you captive. What was happening to you was unprecedented and had you freaked. It both terrified and exhilarated you. You wondered if this was the big test in life you heard about, the moment when fate collided with the possibility of romance.
It gives me the jitters just thinking about the moment Cupid imprinted on my unsuspecting heart.
There have been some spectacular events in my life, and I’d be hard pressed to rank any of these memories, but I have to admit crashing into a romance that afternoon so unexpectedly stands out. And not because I donned a white dress and whispered I do into his greyish-blue eyes further down the road. However, my encounter with passionate romance did alter the trajectory of my life. It would take me a few years to realize my destiny was changed when Cupid t-boned me, but back then I hadn’t a clue. I was too caught up in the surreal emotional trip of love.
All I can remember of the drugged induced state of romantic passion was the alternate reality called L.O.V.E. I don’t know about your experience but when love’s grip took hold of me I lost all rational reason. My heart either raced or seized up at the sight of him. Nirvana paled in comparison. Somewhere north of reality I started to believe what we shared and felt for one another would spawn a new generation of poets and songwriters. Our love defied gravity.
I should cringe and blush crimson admitting this, but the act and state of being in love is a damn freakish state of existence. Loss of rational reason is the least of your worries.
Anyone who’s been there would agree. I was looking for the perfect metaphor to describe the sensation. The closest I could come was the high of a hallucinogenic drug, which defined is hallucinations, distortions of perception, altered states of awareness, and occasionally states resembling psychosis. One might argue this how a person entangled in a romantic relationship behaves/feels and sees his/her world. At least that is how I felt/feel.
Much later after coming down from my high—it would take years and I am not entirely certain I am back in control—I realized something about me had change. I felt different. I’ve joked the tip of Cupid’s arrow broke off and wedged itself in my breastbone. It makes people laugh, but I’m not so sure it didn’t.
I think of myself as a student of romance, now. What is it about love that drives a good woman or man to the brink, sometimes over, and not just once? I haven’t found a universal answer. So I spend my time writing stories about quirky characters looking for passionate love. In the interest of full disclosure, I am not a happy ending kind of writer. Sorry. Love isn’t always the end game in a romance. Sometimes it’s the point but other times it’s the gateway to discovering how much a person’s heart is capable of giving. Sometimes love is just a side dish.
I continue ponder to attraction. And look for answers to questions there’re are no real answers. Like why do we put our fragile selves through it all if there is really no way to guarantee it will endure the span of a lifetime? What is love all about anyway?