A Woman’s Dance

(Turn and face the strain)

While I wait for Julia Roberts to buy the rights to my book, I labor at a day job. It funds the basics: shelter, food, books, and printer supplies. Recently, I changed positions, which has caused a tremor in the force. I’ve had to re-balance my life.

Isn’t it always the way for a woman?

A woman’s life is tuned with greater precision than a Formula 1 racecar. Her contingencies have contingencies. Nothing can go wrong. She’s prepared. She’s cruising through life at top speeds in her shiny red ’62 Cadillac El Dorado with the top down resembling Grace Kelly—hair flowing gently in the wind—without a care in the world and then BAM! A tire blows and her serene existence skids off the motorway and leaves her stranded on the shoulder waiting for a tow.

caddyShe’ll sit in the car gripping the steering wheel, and check the wing mirror every three seconds for the tow truck. As is the case for most women, after an extremely short period of time, sixty seconds or less, she becomes restless, leaves the comfort of the car, and begins pacing. From a distance, she’d look a lot like a steam train with all the dust and smoke she’s generating because of her feverous pace and flurry. If you could see inside of her mind at that instance, you would see a room on par with the Operations Room at Cape Canaveral, a hub of activity with each task hinging on the next. So tightly connected are the facets of her life one minuscule break in the process can throw her entire eco-system into flux for days. For every second, she is idle something isn’t being done. In a woman’s life, this might mean the tipping point between sanity and donning a straight jacket for the rest of her days.

After about an hour she’ll realize no truck is coming. Nope. Johnny Depp will not come speeding down the motorway in his white Maserati to save the damsel in distress. It’s up to her to fix the tire on the dream machine. Thus, it has been for me. The new job rocked my tightly coordinated life. I was over the moon when the offer came through, ecstatic even. I had been working for someone with question ethics and business practices, and in all likelihood he is going to end up as someone’s girlfriend on Riker’s Island. Quite honestly, I was chomping at the bit for divine intervention. I had two wishes, win the Lotto jackpot or find a new job. I had my preference of course, but made a deal the heavens that I would take either. As happy as I was to get the call, it took less than a second after hanging up before my life skid off the road.

I am no longer working from my home office wearing Yoga pants, fluffy pink slippers, with smudged, day-old mascara, and sporting scary hair. Now I use an alarm clock and take a shower before noon. My presence in the office required a complete overhaul to the life schedule. The early hours I spent writing are now allocated to beautification and commuting. As for the new post, I am adapting to a new culture and learning a new language (every company has it’s own lingo and Modus Operandi).

I’m an adaptor. I know how to restore balance. I get it. Life shifts and we scramble behind it until we’re keeping pace. In the meanwhile, I continue to mourn the lost two hours spent at my keyboard. In time, they’ll work themselves back into my life, but for now, I am chasing along behind my own life wondering if winning the lottery is still an option. Until I settle into my skin, I beg, borrow, and steal time, to write.

How about you, are you an early adopter of change? How do you cope when your harmony is slightly out of tune? 

If I haven’t stopped by your blog lately, bear with me while the space-time continuum repairs itself.

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I’m a writer and hoarder of one-size-fits-all panty hose. Until the hose fits over my bum, I write to provide an alternative view on writing and perfection.

53 thoughts on “A Woman’s Dance

  1. Brenda as always you pull me right into your world! I too am going through change and lets just say I’m not the best at dealing with it!!! While I was reading your piece I realized that I can either fight the change, which I usually do till that gets to hard, or I could flow with the change and allow it to transform me. Thanks as always dear friend!!! Love this and love you!
    Kathy Radigan recently posted….The Good MomMy Profile

  2. I just love the analogy of Grace Kelly waiting for a tow truck to describe these changes in your life! You’re amazing.
    Wow. This is a pretty big change for you! Give it time and hopefully the commute will give you time to let your amazing wind wonder some.
    The company I work for recently relocated offices so that my 45min commute is now 15 (and I honestly did not bribe anyone!)! I seriously toyed with the idea of not telling my family so that extra time at the beginning and end of the day was more writing time!!
    Astra recently posted….Le tour du hamster …My Profile

    • Astra – I think about your amazing hockey mom skills all the time. How you do it I never know. Now that’s magic. I wouldn’t tell them either (about your added time) they’ll try to use it up. And yes, it is a big change. Not the work so much as the learning the ins and outs.

    • Aw, blushing, Val. I do love to write. I do need to get better an connecting with people. I do wish for a magical time device sone days.

  3. A new job? Wow! But, yes, with that big change comes big adjustments; I have every confidence you will navigate these new waters brilliantly, Brenda! However, not seeing you blogging and visiting as often doesn’t make me happy. Your writing always inspires me, my friend!
    Love and blessings!
    Martha Orlando recently posted….“Coppa-head!”My Profile

    • Yes, Martha, brand spanking new. And truthfully, other than being clueless about their vocab, etc., I’m loving it. You inspire me as well, M.

    • Thanks, Jayne. It’s been a long three weeks. I just had an editor say yes, IF, so this weekend I am rewriting a 20k story. I’ll get to my sweet spot.

  4. The greatest challenge I face as a writer is finding both time AND energy to do it in addition to working, dealing with my family, taking care of the house and watching Elementary, starring Johnny Lee Miller as Sherlock Holmes and Lucy Liu as Dr. Watson. So while I’m not a woman — although sometimes I’m tempted to dress like one — I can relate to this post.

    Also, as an aside, I think Grace Kelly was truly lovely. It’s a pity she didn’t just come to a stop in the shoulder but skidded down a mountainside to her death.

    • Mike – I am the primary care giver in my digs. I often wish for a wife to help. My hubs is great, but more in the rewriting or painting department. Not so much in cooking dinner. No complaints, but sometimes I wish I was married to Donna Reed.

    • Jodi – I’m almost there with the managing. And no kidding, there is an opportunity for stories. Lots of interesting characters,.

  5. Chasing along behind my own life – I love it. Even when you’re in flux and trying on flexibility – you’re poetic.

    Good luck with the endeavor and even more good luck finding time to carve out for your writing – I certainly understand the need to adjust first – then look for nooks and crevices in which to write.
    Barbara recently posted….Ray Bradbury. Dream weaver.My Profile

  6. It’s traumatic changing jobs. You changed universes.

    I love the way you write. To echo Kathy, you immediately pulled me into the story. I can totally relate to your situation as I’ve worked for rather unethical types in the past. I made a similar change because the slime in the office ruined my clothes.

    Kudos to you for making a seismic change in your life. Good luck with the new job!
    Lauren recently posted….I Don’t CareMy Profile

  7. Yes changes… it’s impossible to be alive and not change. The only constant, they say. Sometimes you hope the changes stick and sometimes you hope that another change hurries along and whisks you away into a whole new adventure. I say, keep the adventures coming. Who has time to sit around and slowly age? Totally not exciting at all. LOL

    • Jen – very true, but many people hate change. No way I want to wait around and age. I’m moving every day, even if it;s only in my mind.

  8. Every time I have gotten a new job, it has kicked my ass. The first two months, I am a wet dishrag, dragging myself home and wanting to do nothing more than curl up in a cocoon. Even for jobs I could SEE that I loved, or would love, once I figured out how to use the thrice-cursed phone system.

    Give yourself lots of love during this time, as you would to a friend who was transitioning. This too shall pass, and you will notice, with awe and surprise, that you no longer return home feeling flogged. With excess energy, even. And you will turn to the screen and your WIP with the eagerness of a lover, and the words will flow.
    Beverly Diehl recently posted….Who Are You? Who Who, Who Who?My Profile

    • Bev – I can relate to that feeling. I am still coming home mentally exhausted. I hate that I am not writing everyday – or did, I’ve just recently realigned. I do write on the weekends, but I like the daily habit. You made my eyes almost leek. Yes, I need a kindred spirit about now.

  9. Brenda, so the day job is new? What are you doing? And you’re so right about how woman function. In fact, I’d venture to say we make things happen. As for change, I deal with it all the time. I work in a newsroom and things constantly are changing–technology, the way we operate, keeping up with the latest innovations and information. It’s either sink or swim!

    • Yes, Monica, a new day job. I manage project managers in the technology sector. . And yes, sink or swim. I’m like you, an adaptor.

  10. I have no doubts in your adapting skills, B. Have a good time at your new job. You’ll find those hours (or minutes) for writing. You will. I used to resist changes and stay in denial until I HAVE TO change. Nowadays, I’m better at welcoming changes. What the hey, huh?

    {Haven’t caught up with you in a while. Love your photos of London. Sending you all my best with everything!}
    Claudine Gueh recently posted….Wars Fought with FlowersMy Profile

    • C – I know! I wondered what you have been up to. I have a note to myself to write you a letter. Hugs, my friend. I hope you are enjoying life.

    • Tis, Corinne. You’re right, too. I am getting there. I am still tweaking my writing schedule. I prefer it when I can write in blocks to time, but now I am snatching time.

  11. “Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change.” ~ Stephen Hawking

    When I read this^ quote today it made me feel really smart for a minute, so now I’m passing it on to you ;-*

    I have been experiencing so much ‘change’ in the past few years that it didn’t even seem like ‘change’ anymore, it was beginning to feel like a chronically chaotic life. Just today I realized I’m coming to a place for the first time in a long time where I feel almost grounded in a vision I can hold onto and lean on, a little, at least for the near future. Ahhhhh….

    My Celestial Vision Board has been a life saver for me. I don’t know how other people cope. (Well, actually, I guess I do know how a lot of people cope — by burying their heads in the sand and pretending they don’t need to change…)

    Congratulations on your career move! Looking forward to hearing all about your grand, spanking NEW adventures! XOXOXO

    • Thanks, Linda. It’s been a bit crazy. So far it is an adventure. I loved that quote, btw, thanks much. I am still catching up with my shadow. Soon.

    • Sandra – thanks much. I don’t think I’m a Blogher sort of writer. I’ve tried a couple of times, but I never get anywhere. Lots of work for nothing. I haven’t had a positive experience. That being said, I know many swear by them.

  12. –What’s your new job? Are they hiring? I’m available.

    Tell me more. How do you fit your writing in?

    How do I deal w/ change? I hate it. I despise it. Especially when it HURTS.

    xxxx LOVE your perspective and words.
    My Inner Chick recently posted….1159 DaysMy Profile

    • Kim, you are the sweetest. I squeeze my writing in around my day, between meetings sometimes, or lunch, mostly at night and on weekends. I am working for a company that builds library software. Many people are remote. And yes they are. Ping me via email if you’re serious. I’ll give you the name of the company.

  13. Change doesn’t always come in the form we most hoped … a lottery win would have been much better for writing time and another perk or two … Never mind! These things all happen for some unknown karmic reason and all will be revealed in due course. In the meantime, steal a few moments to write every day … somehow I know you will!
    Patricia Sands recently posted….Franglais anyone?My Profile

    • Patricia – you are so right. I am writing a lot more than I thought I would be able to during the week, but it’s taken some fine tuning.

    • Adriana – it’s been an adjustment period. Mostly because I am dead tired when I come home. Writing is not an option for me. I just do it.

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