25 Ways How Not to Say I Love You

 On Love on Mostly Manic Mondays

Note: this list started out by me listening to two women in a coffee bar. They were sharing their worst moments AND LAUGHING about them. It was in the past.  I invited myself into the conversation and before I knew it we were chatting away. I made up some, they made up a some, and we asked a few other women who walked by.  Not everything made it onto the list…Love is serious of course, but list isn’t meant to be.


  1. “I like you a lot,” he said and opened his eyes really wide and nodded up and down like a baseball bobble doll.
  2. With flowers, chocolate, sexy knickers or SpongeBob boxers, and expect love in return.
  3. “What we have is far greater than love.”
  4. “Saying I love you is so 1960’s.”
  5. “Love… it’s complicated.
  6. Don’t say it a text message.
  7. “I think the L word is overused.”
  8. And never with a $3.50 Hallmark card.
  9. “Yay, yay, sure. I lo… Hey, I’m missing the game. I can’t see the television, move. Oh, and bring me another beer.”
  10. “I care a great deal for you…”
  11. And never say it while looking at another person.
  12. “I’ll show you how I feel when we’re alone,” he winks and gyrates his hips.
  13. “I could love you a lot. Really. But you need to lose at least twenty pounds,” he says while looking in a mirror.
  14. “You’re very special to me.”
  15. Making a last ditch effort and saying in the hope of salvaging the relationship.
  16. “Friends with benefits is the new black.”
  17. To someone’s back as they are walking away.
  18. “Love is so last season.”
  19. `You know how I feel about you, right?”
  20. Never utter those words under duress or on demand.
  21. “You get so hung up on labels. I feel you right here,” she says and taps her chest.
  22. Deep sigh, “Ok… I love you. Happy now?” he asks.
  23. “I love you,” she says and waits impatiently. “Didn’t you hear me? I said, I. LOVE. YOU. What do you have to say to that?” she demands. His shrug angers her.
  24. “I have feelings for you. I just don’t know what kind or what they mean. Can you accept that?”
  25. “How can I say that if I don’t know what love is?”

Love is complex, unyielding, can last a moment, the duration of an affair, or a lifetime. It can drive the sanest person to the brink. Love can unhinge, break, and corrupt. It can even progressively weaken the Hercules of the most self-restrained person. But it can also propel a person to unparalleled heights. However it works out, love is s always, always worth the gamble. One final caveat, if you find the courage to utter those three words to another, accept the reality that it’s never a guarantee the person you are declaring your passion to will feel the same. And remember, nothing is ever lost in loving, regardless of how it turns out.

Can your add other ways ‘How Not to Say I Love You’ to the list? 



I’m a writer and hoarder of one-size-fits-all panty hose. Until the hose fits over my bum, I write to provide an alternative view on writing and perfection.

21 thoughts on “25 Ways How Not to Say I Love You

    • ooo my.. I should have made the note this started when I was listen to two women chat about their worst I love you.. they were laughing about it. I offered one.. Clearly this was too sensitive a subject.

  1. Ha! Sounds like Fun… and is Funny. “What we have is far greater than love.” Reading these took me back to the times I’ve heard them on screen…and yes directly out of mouths of those who don’t understand what Love Is. In my home we say it all the time. It reinforces how we truly feel about each other. We fuss and fight, but when it gets down to it, repeatedly saying “I Love You” really reinforces and cements this feeling.
    RYCJ recently posted….One Way to Thank a VeteranMy Profile

  2. I agree with Kelly! Ouch!! Hahaha. I’ve even been told a few of these, especially those “I don’t really know what love is…” Yeah, I’m sure!

    I think the worst is, “Sure, I slept with HER, but I love YOU!” This happened to a friend of mine and I couldn’t believe it was real.
    Kiersi recently posted….My #8TerribleTitles Are Darn HorseyMy Profile

    • Kiersi – yes, ouch. Love can be painful but where would be if not for the broken heart? They suck, but something about the experience shapes us.

  3. Sandra Dailey

    I’ve had a few occasions when someone has told me they love me and I didn’t feel the same. It’s an awkward moment that catches you unprepared. What usually came out of my mouth was, “Oh, that’s nice.” I know, lame, right?

  4. Ashantay Peters

    Oh, I’ve heard a few of these, and am glad it was long ago and far, far away. Thanks for the Monday smiles.

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