Don’t Take Love for Granted

♥ May 7th, 2012 , 38 Comments
♥ Category : Love ♥ Tags : , , , , , , ,

Don’t take love for granted for it has a will of its own.  Yet you will do, not just once but time and time again.  You’ll watch it leave you, or you yourself will leave it where you found it, along with the person you found it in.  This is a lesson only learned through life and it is not one I can bequeath. Although I would if I could.  Rather, I thought I’d leave some rough guidelines as well as early warning signs to watch for.

Love and lust when it’s hot

Love out of habit, while lust is tepid and only hot after copious amounts of wine

The move from hot intoout of habit is and isn’t curable, preventable, and in some cases, it might be desirable.

Incurable romantics live for the first phase. They rarely stick around once the daydreaming about the lanky man with grey eyes they see on Tuesdays at Starbucks starts.  Once into the ‘out-of-habit’ phase of a relationship, the romantic knows that the hot and lusty phase is over.  They also realize how much work is required for rekindling.  If it was only a fling and not the real thing, the true romantic won’t stick around to restart the flame.  However, if, and it’s a big IF, the romantic knows in the pit of their stomach the feelings they are feeling are bigger than a fling, then they will fight heaven and live through hell, X-lovers, move baggage, lose weight, write poetry, alter the universe, just for a fighting chance at ever after.

The End

… they lived happily ever after…

Even after bliss, like what you have with your latest lover should be bottled at sold over the counter.  After a longish time, after all the battles, the badges of honor, when all is said and done, and if, by some miracle, the real thing is found, the Some Enchanted Evening, sort of passion,  you (the new romantic) will forget how hard you fought to win it.  You will.  Don’t shake your head at me, you will forget.  One night you’ll  slip between the sheets wearing grandma underwear and white sports socks.  It feels so right being together.   All the reasons why you fought so hard to begin with start to blur into nothing.

When you say to yourself in the darkest of nights, I’ve forgotten what put the need in me,  you’ll know you’ve taken your lover and that love your fought so hard to have, for granted.

Options are few at this juncture.

If all else fails, or you’ve given up on this lover, start over, dump your granny undies (dump ‘em anyway), and take another spin on the dance floor of life, never giving up on the possibility.

Care to share one lesson you’ve learned in the pursuit of love?

NOTE:  I am working on a new book, and my character, Rosa, is stuck in a moment she can’t get out of (a theme I love exploring). She like many of us have, is redefining her life.  This is an old post from my early blogging months I went in search for today for Rosa. I believe the sentiment never changes and after dusting it off ( as a writer does when we revisit our own work) I am re-posting.

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  1. Neurotic Workaholic

    April 27th, 2011 at 5:01 am

    I wouldn't have to pretend that I like Law and Order, because I love that show and I think the original one was the best in the series. I wish it hadn't gotten cancelled.

    I haven't found true love yet, but I can definitely relate to the issue of moving from one phase of romantic feeling to the next. When I first started dating years ago, I admit that that first-time infatuation was exciting, but after it faded I started seeing things more clearly and I realized that full-on infatuation can be too consuming. It makes you forget about other things in your life that are important to you.

  2. Brenda

    April 27th, 2011 at 5:32 am

    I agree about full-on infatuation, still it can be a lot of fun so long as you know what you are doing. Life is terribly short, so I'm of the mind send (most of the time) to enjoy as much of it as I can.. James Dean said once, "Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today." If love flutters by you today, catch it and run.

  3. Cathy

    April 28th, 2011 at 1:26 am

    As soon as I throw my hands to the heavens in despair and decide to join a monastery, love comes barreling in. Go figure!

  4. Brenda

    April 28th, 2011 at 3:30 am

    It does… said the hopeless romantic, ever and always.

  5. Bella

    April 28th, 2011 at 5:48 am

    "Lust is not lost and easily recalled with a bottle of Merlot, Barry White, and facial paper doll cut outs of Hugh Jackman, Rhett Butler, Johnny Depp, Gerard Butler, etc., mentally placed over your own lover’s face as he …."


    OMG, been there, done that! Guilty as charged! :) Do you think this makes me a romantic or just a creative problem solver? However, my facial paper doll cut out is of Javier Bardem. I'd walk on glass and through fire for that man! hee hee!

    Love the post!

  6. Brenda

    April 28th, 2011 at 5:56 am

    I think, both. Javier… Yes, I'd be walking with you across those coals. I am so shallow! It was meant to be funny, glad you laughed. After years of living in London, my humor is twisted. Thanks, Bella for coming by. I've enjoyed your company here in the blogosphere..

  7. Kelly Hashway

    May 7th, 2012 at 7:11 pm

    Great post, Brenda. And I love that you reposted this for Rosa. You get so into your characters, and I love it. Why do I have a feeling I know what Rosa is going to do? (Not that it’s predictable; I just think I’ve gotten to know you as a writer and a person to figure it out.)
    Kelly Hashway recently posted….Monday Mishmash 5/7/12My Profile

  8. Brenda

    May 7th, 2012 at 9:06 pm

    Kelly, I am fairly transparent when it comes to what fascinates me. I’m not sure where Rosa is going yet, still early for me. She isn’t like Stella when it comes to choices and she has some ghosts to lie to rest. Of course, there is a fling along the way but then there is Harrison, the one that got away. Who knows where we will end up.

  9. Beverly Diehl

    May 7th, 2012 at 10:20 pm

    Ah, that tingly-crazy lust filled stage of love. Isn’t that what we all live for, rather than, “Honey, where’s the Kaopectate?”
    Beverly Diehl recently posted….Better Off Rebekah for Steamy Vampire & Lesbian RomanceMy Profile

  10. Brenda

    May 9th, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    Bev – for me there isn’t anything better. I supposed it’s what keeps me breathing and getting up every morning–the possibility of magic.

  11. Jodi

    May 8th, 2012 at 12:23 am

    I think I learned selflessness and selfishness and the very fine line between!
    Jodi recently posted….Remembering How to Really LoveMy Profile

  12. Brenda

    May 9th, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    Jodie, spot on distinction. I hadn’t thought about it with those specific words (which I may borrow) but I loved the blurry line they conjure in my mind.

  13. Dangerous Linda

    May 8th, 2012 at 1:19 am

    Hi, Brenda! ~

    What a tragic and true (and hilarious) post! hahaha!

    My favorite lines: “…if, by some miracle, the real thing is found, the Some Enchanted Evening, sort of passion, you (the new romantic) will forget how hard you fought to win it. You will. Don’t shake your head at me, you will forget.”

    One lesson I’ve learned in the pursuit of lasting love is to keep a clean house in my mind — Zero tolerance for dust bunnies such as: “…facial paper doll cut outs of Hugh Jackman, Rhett Butler, Johnny Depp, Gerard Butler, etc., mentally placed over your own lover’s face as he ….” and “You’ve started to make a mental list of all the things that bother you…”

    Thank you for continually stirring your creative juices which keeps your loving, lusting readers, like me, stoked and wanting more of … YOU! XO
    Dangerous Linda recently posted….mom’s day parlayMy Profile

  14. Brenda

    May 9th, 2012 at 12:26 am

    Oh Linda, so glad you had a smile. I had a fun writing it and then rewriting it. Tis my pleasure to keep your creative heart blazing with possibility. It help me get through a scene in a story I am working on.

  15. Elizabeth

    May 8th, 2012 at 1:22 am

    I have learned that real love never dies. One may decided not to feed a love (for a myriad of reasons), but if you truly love someone, it can never be eliminated, for that is not the nature of love. I’ve also learned that we don’t choose who we fall in love with, and this can cause a great deal of anguish! Thanks for sharing Brenda.
    Elizabeth recently posted….Guest post (Interview) with Daniel Biro for Manic MondayMy Profile

  16. Brenda

    May 9th, 2012 at 12:24 am

    Elizabeth, I don’t think true love dies, but it can get dull and be taken for granted. I suppose it’s human nature to do this, which of course, isn’t always the best, but then again, who am I to say what’s good or bad. I am just a writer exploring human nature.

  17. Astra

    May 8th, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    Tragedy and humour in one post… such common partners that you make un commonly unique with your words! Well done!
    Lessons in love from a floundering hot but habitual romantic? Well, I have *always* gone for the man who tickles my funny bone. Can’t help it… if you make me laugh, I’m bound to love you!
    I also read or heard this advice somewhere: “Don’t marry him until you see how he treat the waitress”. Not sure if it’s good or not, but worth putting on the list…
    Astra recently posted….Is there a name for the phobia of not being funny? The Burden of Bombeck…My Profile

  18. Brenda

    May 9th, 2012 at 12:22 am

    Astra, totally meant to be fun. I had written the post for my daughter a while ago, but as I am knee deep in a new project and at the cross roads with the character I dusted if off. I was pleased my own work helped me through a story issue.

  19. Linda Medrano

    May 8th, 2012 at 5:09 pm

    I hate it when the hot passion is replaced by “comfortable” passion. But, alas, it does happen. I miss the heat! But I don’t miss the insecurity and the heartbreak of that unsustainable emotional roller coaster. I have a friend (she’s 65) and she still buys “slutty” lingerie to please her husband. I love people who do that!
    Linda Medrano recently posted….Adding Some AtmosphereMy Profile

  20. Brenda

    May 9th, 2012 at 12:20 am

    Linda, really is not fun when passion looses it’s meaning. I love this about your friend, yay for her.

  21. My Inner Chick

    May 9th, 2012 at 3:25 am

    –I agree w/ Linda M.
    We get comfortable, but desire the heat…the heat we had in the beginning.
    Anything goes. Slutty lingerie. Wine. A maid Uniform. Do it on the Table. On the Oriental!
    And Lots of SPICE.
    I don’t want to be COMFORTABLE.
    I want PASSION <3 Xxxxxx
    My Inner Chick recently posted….~Jean QueenMy Profile

  22. Monica

    May 9th, 2012 at 5:43 am

    Oh, Brenda, once again you’ve touched on a subject important to so many. I decided to stop fretting about this some time ago. I just focus on me, my family and friends, and my determination to write that book. One day, one day, it’ll get done. I find this much better to the ups and downs and knots in your stomach emotions that can come with love. I know there’s the good side, but I find it fleeting. It does sour for one reason or another. Which makes me sad. So, for now, enough. Move on and get with the program. That’s my motto! :)
    Monica recently posted….Mrs. Kennedy and Mr. HillMy Profile

  23. Mike Adams

    May 9th, 2012 at 6:08 am

    Wonderful and thoght provoking as always! Thanks Brenda! :-)
    Mike Adams recently posted….From Sandia Peak, a Plan is BornMy Profile

  24. Brenda

    May 9th, 2012 at 3:36 pm

    Thanks, Mike, glad you enjoyed.

  25. November Rain (k~)

    May 9th, 2012 at 11:10 pm

    To slip in and out of the lusty corners where dust bunnies fear to tread, is love. Love in its flesh burning, to flesh craving fire that builds throughout the day until skin has a mind of its own, is lust.

    I’ve learned that you find the one that is “right” for you, while you are doing what it is you do. 😉

    No pretensions, calculated expectations, and a desire to grow with another.
    November Rain (k~) recently posted….Little White Lillies~ (100 Word Song)My Profile

  26. Brenda

    May 10th, 2012 at 5:13 pm

    Hey, K…I agree, we find the ‘right’ one when we’re not really looking. It’s my belief this theory applies to every other aspect of life, as well. If we look we don’t find, if we carry on doing what we are doing, it’s there when we lift our heads. Insightful comment.

  27. Claudine Gueh

    May 10th, 2012 at 2:43 am

    I agree with November Rain: no pretensions, no ‘mickey-mousing’ around with telling the other how you feel, and finally a desire to grow with each other.
    There’s always the anxiety of rushing out to meet people, hoping to find ‘the one’ but I suppose if we concentrate on doing what we love, and being the kind of person we strive to be, special people will come along and meet us.
    Claudine Gueh recently posted….Getting There (Or Maybe Not … You’ll See)My Profile

  28. Brenda

    May 10th, 2012 at 5:15 pm

    C- I am field with anxiety ( but not the love kind) off to a writer’s conference next week. Same butterfly feeling but for different reasons. And I to agree with K, she nailed it.

  29. Nikky44

    May 10th, 2012 at 9:42 am

    A very nice post Brenda. It gives hope when one wonder if true love ever exist!

  30. Brenda

    May 10th, 2012 at 5:27 pm

    Nikky – I believe it does but then I am a romantic at heart.

  31. Myrna

    May 10th, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    Brenda, glad you reposted this. You delineate the stages of romance so well. Good luck with the book you’re writing. Nice to meet you and thanks for visiting my blog.
    Myrna recently posted….THE FULL MOON DRUMMING CIRCLEMy Profile

  32. Brenda

    May 10th, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    Hi Myrna, It was my pleasure. Thanks for coming by. I had fun writing the post the first time, and even more the second time around.

  33. kario

    May 10th, 2012 at 4:52 pm

    I’m with Astra – make me laugh and I am yours.

    Been married to the same guy for nearly 20 years now and, yes, we are used to each other, but I have to say that sometimes that’s a relief. I do get the spark now and then that reminds me of the past – especially when I see him being especially tender or insightful with our daughters. It reminds me that he has the capacity to truly adore a female.
    kario recently posted….Messing With Mother NatureMy Profile

  34. Brenda

    May 10th, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    Kario – laughing is under valued, under rated, forgotten, but it’s a savior in any moment. There is something in the comfort zone, but there is always that other side of a woman that got us there to begin with.. How’s the new house?

  35. Adriene

    May 10th, 2012 at 10:46 pm

    Love this post, Brenda. 😉 I’m not sure I have any of it figured out. I think the beginning of love is very intense so that you will keep that memory and stay together when it get boring. (!!) Yeah, well, maybe now is not the time for me to try to answer such questions …

  36. Brenda

    May 11th, 2012 at 3:29 am

    Adriene -I am never sure there a good time to talk about love, but it’s kind of my thing, to explore and ponder. As sure as I am about my next breath and the one next week, I know you’ll find your moment.

  37. Amiee Woods

    May 11th, 2012 at 3:28 am

    Love this article. I have been there and done that! lol… I have also crossed the road from habit to lust again. It is all in the mind… and some serious reinventing!

  38. Brenda

    May 11th, 2012 at 4:08 am

    Hi Amiee, thanks much for stopping by. I sometimes feel the road is a constant loop, sometimes it’s good, sometimes, not so much, but always always worth it.

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