Don’t take love for granted for it has a will of its own. Yet you will do, not just once but time and time again. You’ll watch it leave you, or you yourself will leave it where you found it, along with the person you found it in. This is a lesson only learned through life and it is not one I can bequeath. Although I would if I could. Rather, I thought I’d leave some rough guidelines as well as early warning signs to watch for.
Love and lust when it’s hot
- Your nighttime dreams invade your waking dreams
- You can’t control the electrical currents shooting down your limbs when he is close
- Your thoughts are like the inside of 5,000 piece puzzle – jumbled
- Your lust boils, and rises like a vapor off your skin
- You fail to notice-ANYTHING
- You remember your lover’s touch long after…
Love out of habit, while lust is tepid and only hot after copious amounts of wine
- Your dreams are less animated, PG13 (heavy petty and groping), more than less, and prime time viewing is appropriate
- Your body involuntarily freezes, is toy soldier rigid and not pliable like putty, when he hovers
- The mess in your head is more ordered, easier to follow, and no longer bewildered
- Lust is not lost and easily recalled with a bottle of Merlot, Barry White, and facial paper doll cut outs of Hugh Jackman, Rhett Butler, Johnny Depp, Gerard Butler, etc., mentally placed over your own lover’s face as he ….
- You lover’s words start to blur into white noise, the grinding the back of his teeth make while chewing makes you want to hurl a dinner plate in his direction. You’ve started to make a mental list of all the things that bother you
- You take a shower soon after..
The move from ‘hot‘ into ‘out of habit‘ is and isn’t curable, preventable, and in some cases, it might be desirable.
Incurable romantics live for the first phase. They rarely stick around once the daydreaming about the lanky man with grey eyes they see on Tuesdays at Starbucks starts. Once into the ‘out-of-habit’ phase of a relationship, the romantic knows that the hot and lusty phase is over. They also realize how much work is required for rekindling. If it was only a fling and not the real thing, the true romantic won’t stick around to restart the flame. However, if, and it’s a big IF, the romantic knows in the pit of their stomach the feelings they are feeling are bigger than a fling, then they will fight heaven and live through hell, X-lovers, move baggage, lose weight, write poetry, alter the universe, just for a fighting chance at ever after.
… they lived happily ever after…
Even after bliss, like what you have with your latest lover should be bottled at sold over the counter. After a longish time, after all the battles, the badges of honor, when all is said and done, and if, by some miracle, the real thing is found, the Some Enchanted Evening, sort of passion, you (the new romantic) will forget how hard you fought to win it. You will. Don’t shake your head at me, you will forget. One night you’ll slip between the sheets wearing grandma underwear and white sports socks. It feels so right being together. All the reasons why you fought so hard to begin with start to blur into nothing.
When you say to yourself in the darkest of nights, I’ve forgotten what put the need in me, you’ll know you’ve taken your lover and that love your fought so hard to have, for granted.
Options are few at this juncture.
- Buy sexy knickers and book a room in a hotel with room service, with the plan not to leave the room the entire weekend
- Have the talk
- Pretend that watching reruns of Law and Order and eating frozen pizza is what you wanted all your life
- Join a gym, write a chick lit novel, became an overnight success, and take a new lover ( or several)
If all else fails, or you’ve given up on this lover, start over, dump your granny undies (dump ‘em anyway), and take another spin on the dance floor of life, never giving up on the possibility.
Care to share one lesson you’ve learned in the pursuit of love?
NOTE: I am working on a new book, and my character, Rosa, is stuck in a moment she can’t get out of (a theme I love exploring). She like many of us have, is redefining her life. This is an old post from my early blogging months I went in search for today for Rosa. I believe the sentiment never changes and after dusting it off ( as a writer does when we revisit our own work) I am re-posting.