Dreaming Dreams

A Writer's DreamsI wonder as I always do about living my dreams in Technicolor. I fret about the possibility of my dreams being overwritten by fate’s ruthless pen. Even considering the likelihood of not seeing the fantasy of living out my days penning stories for others rocks me to my core. My lower lip quivers, my heart quickens—not in the way it does when I see tall, dark, and come-hither—and requires a handful of tropical fruit flavored Tums to beat down the panic.

It’s the sort of feeling that tears at the fabric of the rose-colored sheets lining the imaginary room where I create my magical realities. Having an outlet keeps me in harmony, but it also reminds me dreams are only dreams unless I force myself to see them outside of my head. It’s takes a strong heart muscle (strong enough to withstand disappointment), reckless abandonment (enough to push and challenge the status quo), and dedication (the relentless, industrial, gritty resolve kind that weathers doubt and rejection). Every dream deserves at least this much.

 

And even then…

 

It might not be enough. Or it may mean the dreamer (me) has to double down and keep at it. Being a flawed human I sometimes complain to the Universe when it takes more than it gives. I have been known to wallow in a deep cup of pity me for the length of a breath or the time it takes for me to finish a glass of wine or shot of espresso. Over coffee this morning was one of those moments. I received two of my least favorite kinds of emails,

Dear Applicant….

Thank you for applying …

Dear Brenda Moguez

Thank you for allowing us to consider your book, however….

It’s probably crazy to do engage in two activities that I have no control over simultaneously, but what kind of life would I be living if I didn’t reach for what is outside of my reach? You’re thinking, safe, secure, free of rocky roads, and heartache, right?

Nah, you’re saying what I tell myself after I’ve finished rolling about in the emotional debris left behind after a hearty kick to my ego, BORING. The truth of the matter is this…

 

A dream is just a dream until it’s not…

 

But it is also the one thing in my (your) jurisdiction. I (you) can double-down, keep painting on my (your) imaginary canvas waiting for magic, and driving forward, rolling over the obstacles, or I (you) can have a second cup of pity me and give up.

I had my doubts this morning when I opened my email. Maybe it’s not your destiny to be a writer, the sultry voice in my head suggested. I seriously considered the words my alter ego whispered while sipping espresso. She might be right, but then again I’ve heard similar words before and proved her wrong. I took another sip of coffee and reviewed a few of the highlights of my past:

  • I’ve finished school, and broke through the glass ceilings Latin women occasionally bump up against
  • Reinvented myself in four industries and mastered their respective disciplines
  • Found the courage to declare myself a writer
  • I gave my heart away, not once, but three times
  • Forced myself to be less of an introvert (a continuous work in progress)
  • Submitted, published, and survived numerous rejections
  • Completed two novels, a few novellas, and have a third novel in motion

Not too shabby of a list to show for myself, but not exactly my own private Idaho—seeing the two novels and others published is in the original blueprints for happiness.

I swallowed the last of my java lingered a moment longer before moving on. The truth is I have to make allowances for the reality that I may never see my dreams play out exactly I as originally imaged them, but then again a dream is a dream until it isn’t.

Mine’s still playing out, how about yours?

 

by

I’m a writer and hoarder of one-size-fits-all panty hose. Until the hose fits over my bum, I write to provide an alternative view on writing and perfection.

11 thoughts on “Dreaming Dreams

  1. Your dreams may not play out “exactly” as you want them, but leave room for the Universe to co-write. I’ve always found that if I ask in faith believing and tag my prayer with “or even better” the Universe brings me something better than I could have imagined.

    Also, persistence always wins out. Sometimes the people we see succeed aren’t the smartest or even the most talented. They’re just the last ones still standing. :)

  2. Those rejections truly do hit us hard, don’t they? I, too, have had moments of wallowing in my cup of self-pity, but refused to stay there. If we are called to write, even though our books may not be noticed or appreciated by others the way we would envision, still – we must write! There is no stopping the dream, Brenda, so write on, my dear!
    Blessings!
    Martha Orlando recently posted….With God, All Things Are PossibleMy Profile

  3. I loved this, Brenda! My dream is definitely still playing out and I will continue to strive toward it until its no longer a dream. And I have a feeling you will, too. Keep your head up! I am sending positive vibes your way. :)

  4. Dale

    Choose your favorite: A lot like Eastern Oregon, except whiter -or- If life gives you potatoes, make potato soup, if life gives you beets, please don’t make borscht!

  5. Brenda – Thank you so much for positing this. This is exactly the inspiration I needed. I’ve been lingering in doubt for weeks about writing. Terrified of posting and hesitant to continue a long-term project. Your post is equivalent to a shot of expresso. I’ve been terrified of submitting a second blog post to HuffPost. I finally got the nerve to hit submit.

    I loved this line: “…but it also reminds me dreams are only dreams unless I force myself to see them outside of my head.”

    And this one: “…but what kind of life would I be living if I didn’t reach for what is outside of my reach?”
    Lauren recently posted….Are You A Moody Blogger?My Profile

  6. Once again you write so eloquently what so many of us feel when we are reaching for our dreams and working to make then reality, and encounter set-backs and doubts and fears. But those last three are parts of reality and every person who has ever achieved their dreams had to deal with all three. Alas. I wish it was otherwise for all of us.

    Keep on writing and submitting and dreaming. That’s the best life possible for any writer, and you truly are a wonderful writer. Your blog posts prove that.
    Deborah J. Brasket recently posted….More on “The Writing Life” with Annie DillardMy Profile

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