How long has it been since I took time out of my day to send you a love note? If I can’t remember, it’s been too long. I don’t know why I neglect you as I do, but I do. Clearly, I depend on you to act when I send instructions or shout pleas for help. Your response time is a cut above perfection. Who could ask for more than you give, day in and day out? I DO! I’m like the neglectful lover who demanded and never bothered to show up with roses, boxes of chocolate, or words of appreciation.
Today is no different. I marched in and demanded more. I know we’re in this together, you for me, and me for you, but sometimes it feels I am alone in my pursuits with no one to understand the why of what I am doing. When I find myself in this dark place, I howl to the moon, dance a jig, and turn to you, my trusted self, for clarity, hope, and a hand to grab onto.
Self, I would be lost without your endless support and love. You push when I am wallowing. You nudge when I am stuck. You buy me glasses of wine when I am feeling daring. You flirt and woo when I am hiding inside. You always whisper ‘you are beautiful’ when I need it the most (mornings when I am having a bad hair day or my jeans feel snug). Self, you cheer me on when I ponder my passionate pursuits. You tell me, never, not ever, not even if I lose the light, to give up my dreams. Self, you’re the best ever friend a gal could have. I know this, yet I continue to demand, neglect, and forget to rejoice in your strength and inner beauty.
I’d vow here and now never to forget you if I trusted myself to keep my word. You know I would if I could but we both know I won’t. Sadly, I will neglect you from time to time just like that demanding lover you never forget, the one that took and took and took. That’s me. It’s nothing I am proud of but it happens. I get busy and hyper-focused, fall short on my half of the deal. I neglect. I forget to be respectful, understanding, patience, compassionate, loving, accepting, kind, full of glee and joy for all you do for me and me for you.
It’s a wonder why I, we, the other side our self, neglects.
So here is my vow to you, self:
I will look kindly at the reflection in the mirror even on the days my hair is scary and those jeans feel snug. I will love the skin I am in.
I will think about what I am demanding of myself and be open to alternatives, like sleep and longer walks.
I will respect my talent.
I will be patient (10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4….)
I will breathe before allowing my Latina self to flare and flutter
I will treasure all my moments – the highs and the very lows
I will write at least one letter of affection per week
I will take pleasure in the journey and not fret as much about the destination (10, 8, 7, 6, 5…)
Finally, I will be what I know I can be, have faith in the unknown, and continue to marvel at the universe, and write about these passionate pursuits that beat strong within this body of mine.
Have you hugged yourself today?
If not, when was the last time you remembered to treat yourself?