Note to Self

Dear Self~

How long has it been since I took time out of my day to send you a love note?  If I can’t remember, it’s been too long.  I don’t know why I neglect you as I do, but I do.  Clearly, I depend on you to act when I send instructions or shout pleas for help.  Your response time is a cut above perfection. Who could ask for more than you give, day in and day out?  I DO!  I’m like the neglectful lover who demanded and never bothered to show up with roses, boxes of chocolate, or words of appreciation.

Today is no different. I marched in and demanded more.  I know we’re in this together, you for me, and me for you, but sometimes it feels I am alone in my pursuits with no one to understand the why of what I am doing.  When I find myself in this dark place, I howl to the moon, dance a jig, and turn to you, my trusted self, for clarity, hope, and a hand to grab onto.

Self, I would be lost without your endless support and love. You push when I am wallowing.  You nudge when I am stuck. You buy me glasses of wine when I am feeling daring. You flirt and woo when I am hiding inside. You always whisper ‘you are beautiful’ when I need it the most (mornings when I am having a bad hair day or my jeans feel snug).  Self, you cheer me on when I ponder my passionate pursuits.  You tell me, never, not ever, not even if I lose the light, to give up my dreams.  Self, you’re the best ever friend a gal could have.  I know this, yet I continue to demand, neglect, and forget to rejoice in your strength and inner beauty.

I’d vow here and now never to forget you if I trusted myself to keep my word.  You know I would if I could but we both know I won’t.  Sadly, I will neglect you from time to time just like that demanding lover you never forget, the one that took and took and took.  That’s me.  It’s nothing I am proud of but it happens. I get busy and hyper-focused, fall short on my half of the deal. I neglect. I forget to be respectful, understanding, patience, compassionate, loving, accepting, kind, full of glee and joy for all you do for me and me for you.

It’s a wonder why I, we, the other side our self, neglects. 

So here is my vow to you, self:

I will look kindly at the reflection in the mirror even on the days my hair is scary and those jeans feel snug. I will love the skin I am in.

I will think about what I am demanding of myself and be open to alternatives, like sleep and longer walks.

I will respect my talent.

I will be patient (10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4….)

I will breathe before allowing my Latina self to flare and flutter

I will treasure all my moments – the highs and the very lows

I will write at least one letter of affection per week

I will take pleasure in the journey and not fret as much about the destination (10, 8, 7, 6, 5…)

Finally, I will be what I know I can be, have faith in the unknown, and continue to marvel at the universe, and write about these passionate pursuits that beat strong within this body of mine.

 

Have you hugged yourself today?

If not, when was the last time you remembered to treat yourself?

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by

I’m a writer and hoarder of one-size-fits-all panty hose. Until the hose fits over my bum, I write to provide an alternative view on writing and perfection.

39 thoughts on “Note to Self

  1. No, I haven’t. I can be really tough on myself. I set really high goals and get determined to meet them no matter what. I’ve lost sleep, not eaten well… Thanks for the reminder that we have to show ourselves some love every now and then.
    Kelly Hashway recently posted….White Walls by Lauren HammondMy Profile

    • Kelly – I am guilty of the same thing, thus the letter of appreciation to self. It’s curse and a blessing. It makes me work harder, but I can be neglectful. A woman (person) has to take time to say, hey self, you’re marvelous..

    • Linda, as I mentioned to you earlier, you look marvelous, glasses or not. I too think I am amazing, at least most of the time. We have to keep a positive outlook otherwise, life’s woes might drag us down.

    • Andrea, we women get lost inside of the life we build. We show up for it everyday and we give to all those around us, but we somehow forget we’re in need of loving and kindness, too. Treat yourself, don’t forget. And thanks kindly for your words, as a writer you know how much this means to a fellow writer.

    • Kathy, stop what you’re doing at least once a week if not more, and say, self, I need a internal hug. I realize now new agey that sounds, but I’ve learned how important it is to take care of our hearts and souls. Go for it.

    • My pleasure, Edith. Always glad to share forward with others. I hope you had a good weekend and find your stride again. Don’t give up on your passions.

    • Jennifer – I wouldn’t mind sitting next to you in the mountain house at dusk with a nice glass of wine. An inspiring place to sit and consider all your wonderfulness that gets buried during your teaching year. Enjoy, my friend.

  2. Jo

    What a lovely and brilliant post. ♥
    I give myself a day each week, when it’s possible, to just sit and enjoy or read or write or do whatever I feel the need to do. It’s my gift to my inner self and she likes it a lot! It took me a long to figure out how much I need that just for me time and now, it’s as important as any of my other duties.
    Jo recently posted….LIFE LESSONS ~ FOR PARENTSMy Profile

    • Jo – you are so right but not every woman pays so much attention to herself. My grandma told me when I was growing up to always take time for myself, to reward myself with a trinket for all that I did, would do. She was a wise woman that one.

  3. Just tonight I went out with a friend. She calls and gets me to go someplace with her once in awhile since she believes I need a break from my usual stuff – and I don’t do it for myself. This time we enjoyed an outdoor concert in the park.
    I know I don’t love myself very much or very often, but perhaps that should change so that I feel freer to write without the guilt for wanting to when there are other demands.
    This was a great post.
    Lynn A. Davidson recently posted….Book Review: Goodnight, Me – by Andrew DaddoMy Profile

    • Linda – one thing I have learned is there will always be other demands, always and forever. I don’t have guilt anymore for abandoning my demands. I like writing stories, and other than taxes, there isn’t much that can’t wait. Sure, the dust bunnies gather, the fridge needs food, the children attention, and off to work I go to pay the mortgage, but there are hours in my day that belong only to me. Take the moment and find your place in it.

  4. B., we often neglect our bestest friend, I do that all the time and have never once apologized to her. Shame. But I know what she loves ~ those books, those films, the blue sea, the trees and all, and I’ll try to give her as much of those as I can. We all need to be kinder to ourselves.

    I love your line “I will respect my talent.” Somehow most of us forget to respect our talent or acknowledge how hard we’ve worked.
    Claudine Gueh recently posted….A Notebook, My Trusty Pencil & Great ExpectationsMy Profile

    • Oh, C, I’ve missed your inspiration words. I am glad you had a great ‘busman’s’ holiday (English express for taking a vacation to work on your writing). I believe most of us get so wrapped up in the doing we forget we’re doing it, as well as how much effort it takes. We forget to recognize our own efforts, thus the post. I thought the virtual world need a little reminder. Welcome back.

    • Mistress Elizabeth, geting to the heart of matter has been my cross to bear, it’s both a curse and a blessing. Not all want to get to go where I dwell, but on the other hand, if they don’t, do I really want them to be there with me if they are uncomfortable. Thanks for the thoughtful comments. Hugs for brightening my day.

  5. Hi, Brenda! ~

    Yes, I did hug myself today — In gratitude for posting my first new blog in quite a little while!

    Your ‘self’ seems nicer to ‘you’ than my ‘self’ generally is to ‘me’, but, I think ‘I’ show appreciation for my ‘self’ more generously than ‘you’ describe for your ‘self’ — unless I have the two mixed up…haha!

    • Linda- I saw that. You’re not going to believe this but on my to-do list is to comment on ‘What’s your passion? I understand the reason you are happy for writing a post. I think it all depends on how I am feeling. This search for an agent for my book isn’t what I would call a positive experience. The rejection letters are canned and regardless of how well written, pierce my soul. The positive ones are better, but until someone says – OK, Brenda, I can get behind your book, it’s a journey I’d rather have behind me. Hugging myself is paramount these days.

  6. Brilliant, Brenda. You’ve captured your inner voice quite clearly and in a most captivating way. Such a wonderful way to remember to embrace and celebrate yourself and, hopefully, not be too critical. We tend to look at our flaws with great scrutiny. Your post is a reminder that we need to look at what is good in each of us, too. Thanks!
    Monica recently posted….Breaking News: My Brother’s Got the ScoopMy Profile

    • Monica, as I mentioned to Linda, hugging is necessary these days (until I am over the agent search). I was fascinated where the letter went, it started out as a global for all women sort of letter, and could be still, but when I was finished I realized it was for the writer in me. Funny how that happens sometime.

    • Kim – of the people in the world I’d have thought you’d give yourself a little lov’in. You’ve had a tough couple of years – don’t forget to take care of yourself. I am glad you enjoyed and even happier you continue to visit with me her on Passionate Pursuits.

    • Adriene – I thank you kindly, for your words about my post and your own words. I especially enjoyed ‘Life Without Limits…” Thought provoking.

  7. Great post! I do my best to take care of me and my SELF and my glass is [almost] always half full. As a rapidly close in on middle age, I am learning a few things (’bout time, I know!)… patience being one of them. When Life is really throwing me lemons one after the other, I try to stop and think … am I really supposed to be making lemonade with this or is there something else i should be doing with this?
    Astra recently posted….Breaking up is hard to do…My Profile

    • Gracais, Astra, great comment, very Erma-esque. I decided a long time ago I didn’t want to be a bitter woman or an unhappy person when or if life didn’t live up to my dreams. Sometimes it is quite tart, but there is always another way to look at the world that does not leave frown lines upon my face.

    • Hey Nikky, long time to see. I loved reading your story and have told it to just about everyone I know. Hugs, and thank you for stopping by, life must be busy right now. You’ve a wonderful network, sweet woman.

  8. Oh, Brenda, DO love yourself always for the imaginative, loving, creative, daring, believing woman you are! I’ve been there, too, when I failed to love who God created me to be and now? Well, as the saying goes – “you’ve come a long way, baby”. Do I slip? Fall? Of course! We all have our doubting days, but what sustains me is knowing I am a child of God and He is holding me in the palm of His hand. With love like that, how can I not love myself?
    Blessings to you, my friend, and thanks for this beautiful post!
    Martha Orlando recently posted…."Help Me If You Can, I’m Feeling Down . . ."My Profile

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