Infinite Beginnings and Endings

Infinite

Never Ending Story

Every minute of each day sees the start and stop of something—teeny-tiny or mega ginormous—in our lives. We might start a new book, reach the end of one, start a new love affair, or take an old one to a new place. We begin anew at the inhale and end at the exhale. We might tingle from the tips of our toes all the way to the top of our crown from a smile and a wink from lanky and his come-hither flutters or we might cry a river at the sight of his rigid back walking way. Such is life. It’s an endless series of beginnings and endings.

The reasons behind and within a decision to end and begin can carry the weight of sleepless nights or it may come in a moment of anger or whimsy.  The choices are sometimes ours to make but there are also moments we sigh the deepest form of resignation and accept what is dealt with hopeless despair. The moment we have coveted since birth might pass us by on the wings of love, because our life is aflame with nonsense and fear thus preventing us from embracing what we have yearned. We might fall over at the loss and give way to a grief so heavy it drowns, but we might also find a passion so strong in our spiral downward we are reborn. Such is life.

Some of us hate both beginnings and endings with infinite and equal passion. Some covet only the start while some prefer the end. There are a few who embrace the in between of transition—where the light is blindingly bright—more than starting or ending. I’ve heard the moment between the two is where the explanations to rhythm and reason hang like apples on a tree. Answers to the why of the goodbye and the purpose of hello are free for the taking if only the outreached hand can grab and hold on tight while the light in our heart stays bright. It’s a place of knowledge but it’s as elusive as Atlantis and vague as walking through a cloud of déjà vu.

In the darkness of the almost known is where we can find a purpose, bury a loss, ditch the past, or catch a wave to a horizon in the distance that looks a lot like a beginning.  It is the moment we are most vulnerable and the most fearless.  At the rise of the inhale, a person can find grace and harmony in its entire glorious splendor.  It’s brush of a kiss on a blustery day. It’s fleeting, but oh, the rush of tenderness, the breathless but sated physical all over body sensation, the clarity of purpose, the all-knowing, and full surrender to the possibility of what will be will be, can render you motionless. Some say it’s spell binding. Yet, the place where all is known is not without the risk of uncertainty of what is to come. A decision is required to propel you own self forward. The decision to start or stop, to never know the up or downside of either, is the state of in between, where infinite beginnings and endings collide. It’s where we spend every moment of every day. Such is life.

And so it is with me and my place of in between. The writer in me is letting go of what is comfortable for what is unknown and yet to be discovered. I hesitate, even tremble, but I have the grrl’s guide to help me as I follow the music of my passionate pursuits.

Grrlguide is here in all its splendor, but it’s ending is blending into a beginning with only promise of something yet to be written.

I live for this interlude.  What about you?  Where do you like to be, the start, the end, or the place in between?

by

I’m a writer and hoarder of one-size-fits-all panty hose. Until the hose fits over my bum, I write to provide an alternative view on writing and perfection.

50 thoughts on “Infinite Beginnings and Endings

  1. I prefer the start and the in between. Like when my daughter arrived home for the holidays. I know I’ll be sad when she leaves. Or my when my son moved back in when he was unemployed. I’ve been enjoying having him around. He’s found a job and that is new, and he’s trying to save up to move out one day. I will miss him being here. Yep, it’s the endings I don’t like.

    • Monica, the endings can be the worst and the starts, are simply wonderful. I do enjoy the in between though because there is much to find and discover, at least that’s been my experience. I do confess to not always liking what I learn, but such is life.

      • I love time between, there is an excitement, and yet a stillness to the momentum. These places are actually where we live life from. And get the most of out it.
        Love,
        Jodi

  2. Brenda, this post makes me think I’m flowing in a river, of which its fluidity is helpless and inevitably beautiful. All it depends on is the way we let ourselves flow. I like the grandeur of beginnings, but it’s often the start that’s the most, most, most difficult. I like the consistency of middles, though we can get lost quite easily. I love the feeling of wrapping things up, the end which may mislead us into thinking that everything is over.

    • Claudine – I loved the last comment, ‘mislead us…” such is the way so many times in my own life. I think I am at the end of something, but oh now! Such was the case when I finished writing my book the first time (yes, it’s been written more than once).

  3. For me it really depends on the situation. When I begin a new WIP, I’m in love. It’s exciting and I treasure each moment. But when I get a contract for a work, I tend to look forward to the end product, not that that is really the end at all. And since I try to enjoy each moment of each day and live in the present as much as possible, I enjoy the middle of the journey as well.
    Did I confuse you yet? I guess it is all one infinite cycle, and I’m trying to enjoy as much of it as possible.

    • Not at all, Kelly ( you didn’t confuse me). It is infinite, which is the reason for the title, the image, and the flow of life, we continue cycle through beginnings and endings.

  4. pamela bono

    Brenda. I love this! I usually love beginnings and feel relief at an ending. These days ..I am overwhelmed with both.

  5. “In the darkness of the almost known” – can also be called ‘procrastination’, no? I suffer from this at time at both beginning, middle AND endings. Sometimes I have to open my mind to my outside forces that be, to either inspire/urge me to start, motivate/propel me to continue, persuade/encourage me to end … and not always passionate pursuits, just “to-do’s”. Great year end post! Love this look – and the new title – too :)

    • Oh Astra – you see through me so clearly. Yes, it can be called procrastination. Yes, it was time to figure out my look- something that reflected me and my writing, not that I am a blonde, but it was Marilyn-esque, which made sense to me.

  6. I’m excited for you and your new look! Me, I prefer beginnings. I love the sense of possibility. Midway is pretty good-I still feel like I have some control and input. Endings are just the hardest part-always. Unless I guess it’s ending something really painful or difficult-that makes it a bit easier. I always spend so much time reflecting after things are over that it usually stresses me out.

    • MW = Me, too. It’s still coming together (adding and updating), but it’s getting there. Woman do have a habit of thrashing through things until there is nothing left but our tears. Why do we do this, a wonder to me.

  7. Well. So long as no one captures us putting that finger in our nose and digging too deep. LOL (sorry had to look real close at your black and white photo and it got me laughing)

    and read your heart felt thoughts and said wow..so true..writing DOES do this for us and strangers read our souls..and why not…..whatever season our soul, our body can type nakedly on the transmissions of our window treatments. Adore looking out your window..even if the mirror pic scared me at first.. :0)

    • Ah, she is touching up her lipstick. It is true, the point is to look inward, or my point, since that is where my words come from.. You did have me double check the image, but being a cosmetic junky and having sat in front of my own mirror doing exactly what she is doing.. :-)

  8. Oh, this was so beautifully written and brings on so many emotions! The beginning of some things is not fun (like a new job) but other things (like a new love affair) they are exquisite. But I do prefer the middle. Where I am comfortable. I like being comfortable. Ending is the worst, even when it’s the beginning of something better in the future. Endings make me sad. Always.

    • Yeah! Glad you enjoyed. I think it depends sometimes (endings) not all are sad, yes and no. Sometimes and ending is just the start of something new. You know how I am about passions and love (any kind), it’s why I am here, writing.

  9. Love beginnings, am quite fond of middles, but the only ending I truly enjoy is a happy ending, lol!

    Trying to get away from that mindset though, and appreciate goodbyes and endings as something necessary to make room for the new. If a seed didn’t “die,” we’d never have new trees and plants.

    Not sure yet if I am loving your new look here, much liking it, muchly.

    • Getting over the hurdle to appreciate goodbyes is a tough one. I think of Mr. Miyagi explaining ‘wax on, wax off’, that’s one of the best metaphors for life. We do (or at least I do) strive for things to be as easy as breathing. I have a long long way to go. I continue to stall at goodbyes. As for the look, it’s a personal thing the way we dress. I myself, have been told I am a vintage hippie .. hmm, but I am also a lover of women’s intimate thoughts, thus the boudoir feel..

  10. k~

    Fantastic post, I enjoyed every tidbit of twisted wording come to life. It is my perspective that one without the other simply does not exist. The ability to embrace each ending, for the beginning that is tethered to it, and each beginning, for the ending that will come, is artful awareness.

    Contrast keeps us moving in a forward direction:-)
    k~

    • K-many thanks, and glad you endured the twisted tidbits. It’s a funny thing with me and words, once I start down a path (as I did with this piece) I have to stick with it. And yes, the contrast pushes forward even if we want to nest.

  11. June O'Hara

    What a beautiful piece. Where do you find those words? You’re all, “At the rise of the inhale, a person can find grace and harmony in its entire glorious splendor.” and I’m all, “I had contradictions coming out my ass.” How is it we met?

    I’m continuing my thoughts in June-ese. Beginnings and endings? Screw love and all that shit. I spend my lwriting life trying to craft decent beginnings and endings and most of them suck the first 999 times. Sometimes it sucks rocks. And yet, I sally fuckin’ forth.

    • Missy June, I have no idea but we were meant to be (stop gagging). Yes, what is that damn love stuff about anyway and why the heck to I always return to the topic. Like you, I sally forth.. I do wonder how you and that wall of yours get along.. all that staring into the empty space waiting for the next word (knowing as I do…) it always come when you don’t think about it.

  12. (((In the darkness of the almost known is where we can find a purpose)))

    ~~~~Brenda, your words are like “fire.” They burn inside the bones…& .Leave a stain upon the heart.

    Ps. I DO NOT like Endings. & I despise Letting Go.

    Xx Kiss

    I adore the look of your site! WOW>

  13. Yes, I believe you’re right. Life is but a series of birth, death, and rebirth. I believe new beginnings are my favorite. The hope of things to come… like that bird that sings while it is yet dark. But then again, the in-between is where I always seem to dwell. As you say, “Such is life.” Maybe it’s really always the eternal NOW. Deep thoughts Brenda :-) Contemplative post. News beginnings always sounds good though:-) Like a new adventure.

    • ooooh, love that Debra, a bird that sings while in the dark… I am with you about new beginnings, the unknown when starting always brings a rush.

  14. Brenda your post is so timely… I love all 3…beginnings, the journey and the end.To me it gives me a sense of completion and or accomplishment ….
    I ended my 1st blog….ended just like that…something within me needed to that.. I wanted to move on discover something more about myself…

    Your words spoke to me and I loved every bit of it. Thank You

    • Savy – I am fascinated by endings and their reasons, and how you ended one chapter and started a new one. I felt the same many times about the changes in my own life, even changing the design on my blog was the end and start of something. I am tickled to have shared my own thoughts and have them resonate with you during your transition.

    • Anna – It’s is the sweet spot for sure. I’ve enjoy reading how others feel and respond to the phases of a life, it’s as fascinating to me as the process of writing for a writer is.

  15. Brenda – I’m so happy with your new beginning – it’s wonderful…. The anticipation of beginnings and endings is always scarier than the actual event…The beauty is that life goes on and if we are to begin something, we have to let another thing go….I wish you the best always ..

    • Corinne, you are a treasure. I thank you kindly for remembering me and spot lighting me this year. You are one of the busiest bloggers I know. I don’t know how you do it. And your posts are always thought provoking. And yes, the beauty is starting, but also in letting go.. There are lessons in both.

  16. Beautiful post. Sometimes it feels like I’m excited about beginnings… I love the unknown.. being afraid and doing it anyway… but there’s always something nice about endings. Sometimes I like knowing that there is an ending… to a project, a trip, work. Wow, what does that say about me? It’s everything in between that I don’t like. That deserves some serious looking into. Never you mind. I loved the post and loved the ideas it brought up.

    • Thanks, Dani.I know what you mean about the in between. I do love to roll around there, sometimes because I don’t want to move on and other times because I like how it pushes me to consider other possibilities. I know you’ll figure it out – most of us do, it’s what we do with that knowledge that defines us in the end.

  17. I love it all. The energy and excitement of beginnings is heady stuff, and the comfortably paced discovery of middles is food for the soul. Endings are often where pain lives, but there is no ending without a beginning to immediately follow it, and whether that new beginning arrives in measured steps or drops like an avalanche, it brings life and hope and more discovery. Life is remarkably good.

    Oh, and I want to take a moment to tell you how much I enjoy your words. Your delivery is rich and delicious, and reading is a wonderful treat.

  18. In life, I love beginnings and rarely mourn endings since another beginning is waiting right around the corner. It’s the “middles” that sometimes have me yawning.

    I woke up the other morning with a vivid opening scene and ending scene in mind for a future novel. I have no idea yet what will happen in between. However, I am pretty sure that when the novel is completed, that opening scene and ending scene will look very different than they do today. In their original state, they serve to spark my creativity and get me writing, but once they’ve served that purpose, I won’t be afraid to change them if doing so will strengthen the story.

    • Hey there Margaret, good to see you here. I love how a writer sees the story before it hits the page, such a fascinating subject to me. The writer’s rituals and process is a topic I never tire reading or writing about. You’re one of the few who don’t loathe or morn endings.

  19. Hi, Brenda! —

    LOVE the new look — You’re all dolled up for the New Year!!!

    So many beginnings and endings, indeed. I don’t even think I can keep track of them all! It is like the ‘World’ card in the Tarot which reminds of constant whirling cycles.

    Looking forward to seeing what’s next for you!

    xoxox

    • Ah, Linda, so glad you do and I am excited about the new year as well. So funny you mention the Tarot, I am messing with a story about the subject. I am hoping to work on it over the holidays. I always keep an eye on the horizon for possibilities.

  20. I am a total creature of habit which means I hate change. I don’t like the beginning and I don’t like the end. I’d prefer to sit comfortably in the present and just stress out about the ending that is coming.

  21. Endings are real hard sometimes, but somehow the beginnings that follow are even better. I’m not good a change, but I’ve found it has often led to better things.

    • Hi Pam..I couldn’t agree more, endings can be brutal but they do often lead somewhere new and unexpected. Glad you’re visiting me. Hope to see you again.

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